Spicy

By SoClose - 03/02/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

agreeclassic 65 900

vote type 1 5 508

By hitmutefirst - 03/02/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

agreeclassic 18 633

vote type 1 50 563

By Mavis - 03/02/2009 07:54 - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

agreeclassic 45 234

vote type 1 3 238

By peneloperigby - 03/02/2009 06:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

agreeclassic 13 076

vote type 1 32 144

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

agreeclassic 21 428

vote type 1 45 645

By FML - 02/02/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

agreeclassic 59 853

vote type 1 10 205

Check before crossing

By Randy Savage - 02/02/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

agreeclassic 17 938

vote type 1 71 394

Bad boy

By a-non - 02/02/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

agreeclassic 47 113

vote type 1 8 222

By Nikki - 02/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

agreeclassic 18 435

vote type 1 53 672

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

agreeclassic 51 545

vote type 1 7 734

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

agreeclassic 43 442

vote type 1 2 693

By Bear - 01/02/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

agreeclassic 48 471

vote type 1 6 010

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

agreeclassic 38 753

vote type 1 5 957

By anonymous - 01/02/2009 10:53 - United States

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

agreeclassic 71 241

vote type 1 6 330

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

agreeclassic 69 514

vote type 1 8 086

By Jack - 01/02/2009 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

agreeclassic 66 618

vote type 1 3 291

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

agreeclassic 10 260

vote type 1 38 093

By Yoshi - 31/01/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

agreeclassic 48 236

vote type 1 6 496

By fuckit - 31/01/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

agreeclassic 29 260

vote type 1 5 618

Happy to see me

By brighteyes - 31/01/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

agreeclassic 36 034

vote type 1 11 943

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

agreeclassic 21 407

vote type 1 66 806

By Ah hell - 31/01/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

agreeclassic 11 880

vote type 1 52 735

By janie - 30/01/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was sexiled so that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

agreeclassic 30 696

vote type 1 2 450

By GavinHosler - 29/01/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad, which is one of my roommate's names, when I came. Now her and her friends think I'm gay, and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

agreeclassic 43 807

vote type 1 33 922

By epistaxis - 29/01/2009 02:31 - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

agreeclassic 36 754

vote type 1 3 966

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

agreeclassic 27 537

vote type 1 3 343

Gagging for it

By Noname - 28/01/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

agreeclassic 40 221

vote type 1 5 712

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

agreeclassic 55 205

vote type 1 7 485

By splooge - 28/01/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

agreeclassic 51 480

vote type 1 4 109

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

agreeclassic 8 879

vote type 1 34 572

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

agreeclassic 34 324

vote type 1 2 663

Today, I arrived for a job interview and I wanted to give a firm handshake to make a good impression, because apparently that's a thing. I squeezed the interviewer's hand so hard I heard a "crack" and they winced in pain. I'm never taking advice from a random LinkedIn post ever again. FML

agreeclassic 98

vote type 1 669

Today, and for the last week of job training, I’ve listened to my new boss go on about how we care about our customers and want to engage with our community, even though at the end of every workday I watch him empty the complaints boxes straight into recycling, without reading a single one. FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 79

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

agreeclassic 882

vote type 1 100

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

agreeclassic 5 013

vote type 1 265

Today, my mother-in-law complained to me about the cost of getting old. She then spent an hour showing me her River Cruise vacation photos from several countries. FML

agreeclassic 3 602

vote type 1 333