Love: Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

hmm... no sex for you tonight, good thing she didbt glue yur dick to your leg. you dont deserve either one of them, theyre too good for you. and ur stupid, what else would she have called her on? YDI, asshole.

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The Top

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 863

You deserved it 3 585

Today, I read a PostSecret that said, "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 952

You deserved it 11 999

Random

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 488

You deserved it 1 794

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 040

You deserved it 39 372

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 881

You deserved it 57 699

Today, I submitted an offer on a house. I got a call a few minutes later saying that it had collapsed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 672

You deserved it 198

Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 346

Today, I found out that my hip pain was sciatica nerve pain. I found this out when I started getting pins and needles up and down my right leg and foot. Why all the pain is concentrated in my right butt cheek and side though is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 82