Intimacy: Today, I woke up late. I was so horny and strapped for time,...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By ThatGuy - 06/06/2016 03:12 - United States

Today, I woke up late. I was so horny and strapped for time, I jerked off and shaved at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 66

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Top comments

kamaltheabstract 14

Monday 6 June 2016 15:09

Careful w that razor

nadiabjensen 15

Monday 6 June 2016 23:38

And they say men can't multitask

Comments

kamaltheabstract 14

Monday 6 June 2016 15:09

Careful w that razor

SweetestHeart93 18

Monday 6 June 2016 20:27

multitasking at its finest.. hope you didnt cut yourself

nadiabjensen 15

Monday 6 June 2016 23:38

And they say men can't multitask

Chiaroscuro 21

Tuesday 7 June 2016 21:38

Hope u didn't cut urself or shave a big bald patch in the side of your head be accident! Good job on the multitasking

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 670

You deserved it 7 896

Today, I was in the supermarket when I saw a little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I went over to him and asked if his mom knew where he was. The boy turned around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

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You deserved it 57 185

Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 141

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 164

You deserved it 4 338

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 4 366

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 617