Painful

Heated gamer moment

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 00:00

Today, I thought it would be hot to go down on my girlfriend while she was playing a video game on the PC. Unfortunately, someone killed her in game and she wheeled the chair forward in anger, right into my nuts. It took her a few seconds to notice, then she blamed me for getting her killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 739

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 144

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 210

My life is a romcom

By Lucky girl - 23/08/2023 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was at a friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. Everyone cheered, until I slipped on the flowers and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 128

Healthcare for all, now!

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 20:01

Today, the gums around my wisdom teeth are so badly swollen that I can't talk. I called a dentist to find out if I could see them for a removal. They told me to contact a surgeon, or go to the hospital emergency room. I have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 238

Sick burn

By HotMarshmallowHead - 18/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was out camping with my boyfriend and his friends. I asked my boyfriend to give me a roasted marshmallow, asking him if it was cooled down and he said yes. I put it in my mouth and it was piping hot. They all laughed to the point of tears, all while videoing me screaming and running in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 301

The lawnmower man

By Omega - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 360

You deserved it 1 548

I would do anything for my kids

By Claus - 07/10/2023 22:00

Today, I took my kids to an indoor playground. My two year-old wanted me to climb the rock wall and ring the bell. I slipped right when I was about to touch it. I landed wrong and felt a 'POP' and agony. Hello, broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 156

It sure does

By dreams2383 - 30/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after I fell on ice twice hitting my tailbone last week. I'm in excruciating pain but can't get out of work, no internet for over a week so I can't do college work, a guy ran into my car, totaling it. it's 20 years-old so insurance probably won't give me enough to replace. Bad luck comes in threes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 112

Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 186

Hammer-headed

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 286

You deserved it 4 945

Power washed out

By jokada - 10/05/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, while power washing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it could sting me, I aimed the power washer nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as power washing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 421

You deserved it 84 384

Dogfished

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my 13 year-old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 226

You deserved it 4 454

Stranded

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 3 949

These aren't moans of pleasure

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I hooked up with a guy I know from the gym. This dude is built like The Hulk, over 6 feet tall and almost 24 stone. We were really getting into it when he slipped and his whole weight went onto my knee, which bent completely the wrong way and dislocated everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 158

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 00:05 - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 148

You deserved it 3 240

Living in a cartoon

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 02:00

Today, my first day on underground water pipes, we had to clear a blockage that cut off water to an entire street. Whatever the block was, it came free so fast the released water created a geyser 30 feet in the air. I got hit by it and made it about 10 feet in the air before I hit a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 109

By Tequila - 20/06/2011 16:12 - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 3 219

The staircase

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 12:00 - Germany - Eichstaett

Today, I broke my arm because my fucking ass friend pushed me off the stairs, and while I was in pain and was screaming, no one helped me. The worst part is that it happened at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 83

Snap!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 3 101

Headshot

By Username - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 31 382

By cduttl1230 - 26/06/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year-old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 124

You deserved it 3 337

Put some steel toe boots on

By TheMadKian - 17/09/2023 10:00

Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 277

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 86

Wouldn't hurt a…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 4 245

Dental practice

By urbantrashcan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 1 521

Sole music

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 402

You deserved it 3 982

Ouch

By hairyarms - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 584

You deserved it 5 813

The war on Christmas is real!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 09:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I finally put my Christmas lights up. In the process, a branch from the bush in my yard smacked me in the face, giving me a very noticeable scar on my nose. I have a photo session tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 140

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 013

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The Top

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 948

You deserved it 159 087

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 868

You deserved it 4 699

Random

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 697

You deserved it 6 455

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 047

You deserved it 10 267

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 617

You deserved it 36 953

Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 957

You deserved it 14 513

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 113

You deserved it 4 479

Today, I’ve had an irregular period my whole life. I was on birth control and took out my IUD in January. I’ve had my period ever since. It’s going on 5 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 102