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The all-time greatest FMLs

By australian6196 - 05/02/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 72

Competitive

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 22:00

Today, my husband has such a fragile ego that he secretly visited an escape room five times in the two months before 15 of us went as a group, all so that he would know all the answers in advance and impress everyone. He’d have managed it too, except he paid with our credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 79

Social gatherings make me nervous

By Dog lady - 27/10/2024 18:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 216

Great move

By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/09/2020 05:02

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 4 182

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 16:00

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 101

Pest control

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 16:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I finally fixed the flickering light in my office by tapping it with a broom. Turns out, it wasn't actually the light but a family of squirrels having a some sort of disco party in the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 103

What should I do?

By Taylor Montgomery - 14/11/2025 03:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 11 years is cheating on me. I’m so numb, I don’t even know what to do. We just bought a house together last year, and we have a dog I’m not willing to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 100

Consider the offer

By Anonymous - 04/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 132

Footloose

By my feet hurt - 11/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, and after every shift, all the pain receptors in my body somehow migrate to my feet and activate all at once. I’ve had a baby and the childbirth didn’t hurt this bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 70

Protective

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 03:00

Today, my father-in-law asked why my wife had a black eye. I got as far as, “Yeah that was me, I…” before he broke my nose. I get the 'protecting his daughter' thing, but if he’d let me finish, I’d have said “was putting up a shelf she wanted, but I dropped it on her. Total accident.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 159

The best laid plans…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2023 22:00

Today, I found out that the poly relationship I was in with my husband and my boyfriend was a sham. He admitted to using me for emotional and sexual support during a rough patch, and lost interest almost five years ago. We made plans to live together and grow old with our kids. We're speechless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 1 287

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was expected by my supervisor to drive out to one of our office's server locations. My car was dead and I couldn't go unless he gave me a ride, as he's the only coworker local to me; he couldn't because he's on vacation. I sent him a video of my car failing to crank. He responded, "You need to be more mobile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 157

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 69

Not my mistake

By Anonymous - 20/02/2026 20:00

Today, I found out that my employers apparently haven't been taking enough money out of my paychecks, and now I owe thousands of dollars in taxes. I already live paycheck to paycheck despite doing nothing but work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 94

Access to education

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 16:00 - Oman - Muscat

Today, I was supposed to register my courses in college, but our stupid university changed the system, which means it's completely new. I went to my advisor, but he couldn't help. I went to the registration center; they told me to go to talk to the doctor who is teaching the course. He told me to go back to talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 99

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 15:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 97

For science!

By Anonymous - 04/03/2026 12:00

Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 105

Pay attention

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 03:00

Today, my girlfriend is actually mad at me for not noticing she was two months pregnant. Since we met she’s always had a bit of a belly, and her default clothing is always a big hoodie or dressing gown, she even wears jumpers to bed, so how was I supposed to spot that tiny bit of weight gain? FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 99

Get this off me!

By lovebuglovebirds - 09/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, as I was breastfeeding my daughter, I looked over and there was a big tick sucking my armpit away. I just started screaming, "Help! Help!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 141

Carly Rae Jepsen

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 00:00

Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 269

Scratch that itch

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 04:58

Today, I bought a $50 Nintendo eShop card to redeem on my Nintendo Switch. As I was scratching the grey area, I scratched too hard, making it hard to see what it was. I tried randomly guessing and asking for help. Neither helped. Guess who didn't get $50 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 858

Communication breakdown

By Anonymous - 10/02/2026 00:00

Today, I had to take my life into my hands and tell my wife that when she was yelling at me earlier, she was yelling at me in her own language, which I’m still not fluent in, so whatever it was that upset her, I still haven’t fixed it because I didn’t understand the instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 112

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 1 215

It's just a flesh wound

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 22:00

Today, on our way to a comic book convention, I was getting in the car in my costume when my girlfriend fell against the car door, slamming it shut on my knight helmet, which broke the hinge. We couldn’t fix it, meaning it was stuck on my head for an hour while my dad drove over with an angle grinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 167

By Yudansha - 14/02/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 97

Don't bother me

By So fed up - 11/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I started keeping track. From 7 am to 8:30 pm, my wife, my 11 year-old son, and my 9 year-old daughter screamed for my help 154 times. Every time, it was the most mundane, trivial shit that they could have solved with a nanosecond of critical thinking, but no, easier to bother Dad for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 211

Odd reason, but OK

By firedsucks - 20/03/2021 17:01

Today I got fired from a very promising new job where I made three times my previous salary from my previous job. Why? Because of a personal belonging, my bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 2 437

Chemical warfare

By Yurgh - 19/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 153

Kinda weird

By Cassie - 30/11/2025 03:00

Today, I turned 15, and I am allowed to wear a bikini now, so I modeled for my family. My brother (who's 18) was really wowed when he saw me. I asked what's wrong; he said, "Nothing, which is the point. I know you're my sis, not my girlfriend, but damn you have a pretty body." Is it OK that my bro thinks I'm hot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 172

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 122

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The Top

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 404

You deserved it 1 115

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 057

You deserved it 4 772

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 793

You deserved it 2 189

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 184

You deserved it 4 680

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 289

You deserved it 571

Today, I called off my engagement with my now ex-girlfriend. Yesterday, while drunk at a get-together with all our friends, she admitted she's still in love with her best friend, and only went out with me to forget about him, but is still pining for him anyway. She doesn't understand why that factoid might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 140