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The all-time greatest FMLs

Go home, you're drunk

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 00:00

Today, my Orthodox Jewish cousin’s father called his wife’s Reform Jewish family “a bunch of monkey lovers” in his Bat Mitzvah toast. Worst yet, he did basically the same thing at his daughter from his first marriage’s Bat Mitzvah toast, and mentioned this fact in the speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 127

Gas giant

By StinkBomber - 11/08/2021 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, while dropping my daughter off at soccer practice I was talking about my gym routine. Her friend said, "Your dad's going to be the new god of thunder." My daughter was like, "He already is, but for different reasons." Everyone got the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 222

I'm an empath

By S Edhouse - 13/04/2023 12:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, and ever since my wife has gone onto birth control pills for her endometriosis, her time of the month now lasts for three weeks each month out of the four, and on the fourth week she gets pains and doesn't feel like sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 241

New balls

By boxerswontdo - 06/03/2022 02:00

Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 318

Good things come in threes

By Stuart Williams - 24/02/2022 12:00

Today, after I fell over and fractured my knee, I've been in hospital for a week. I now have a metal plate in my knee, and am due to be off work for months, I wouldn't mind as much if I hadn't been hit by a car two years ago, spent a week in hospital for a fractured vertebrae, and was off work for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 96

Communication Breakdown

By not really - 08/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 279

Baby's high

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 173

Pantomime

By Anonymous - 31/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 98

Liability

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, my friend broke ties with me after I came out of the hospital from attempted suicide. She was the one who called the police for me to go in there in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 342

Legally binding

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 00:01

Today, I realized I have to finish a huge project for my ex-boss, or risk getting sued. I quit because he told me he’s refusing to pay me, and he doesn’t support me going back to school to get my dream degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 151

Priorities

By Jamal - 19/08/2022 04:00

Today, after three years of relationship, my ex broke with me because if we continued dating, she wouldn't have any free time to play Clash Royale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 134

But mah grandbabiiiiies

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 02:00

Today, according to my mom, she didn’t make the selfless decision to have me just for me to grow up and make the completely selfish decision not to marry my long term partner, nor to give her any grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 180

Not in the mood

By Sad lady - 29/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with someone else, all because we haven’t had sex in a long time. He says, “Jerking off is too much work” and “I signed up to marry a human with a sex drive, not an emotionless robot.” He left out the fact that I’m grieving my mother’s death. Thanks for the support, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 423

Delirious

By CanIGoHomeNow - 18/07/2021 08:01

Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 286

Oh, the irony

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 07:56

Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 115

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 10:00

Today, I escaped my husband's snoring by going to sleep on our sleeper couch, only to be welcomed by an excited mosquito population, which sounding like, "Happy hour guys, she's on her period, let's suck this eternal source of blood!" I went back next to my husband and I didn't sleep, but at least wasn't being bitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 173

Moral panics are the worst

By sorryidontlookthatfeminine - 14/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Washington

Today, after going to the clinic for my hormone therapy, I decided to go to the mall. I went into the ladies' room to pee, and I heard a guy asking if there was anyone in there who shouldn't be. Yeah, someone called security on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 1 277

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 1 683

Home delivery

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 08:01

Today, I received two letters: an eviction notice and a Dear John. Neither went through the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 94

Flatulophobia

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 14:01 - United States - Watford City

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 244

Mother knows best

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 20:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while visiting my parents, I observed that I've been able to visit more often because I've avoided getting sick the whole year. My mother responded by reminding me that I need to get my act together if I'm going to lose weight and get healthier. Not the reaction I hoped for, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 140

Superficial

By Alyssa - 08/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, the guy I was hopelessly crushing on 4 years ago who told me, and I quote, “I’d rather stab my dick with pins & needles and dip it in lemon juice than go out with Miss Piggy.” is now saying, “Wow, hun you look great! You know, I always liked you, can we give it another shot?” I’ve lost 65 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 228

Sucks for grandma too

By What about granny - 25/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 269

Flip your wig

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 12:00 - Philippines

Today, my father verbally abused me for visiting my sick maternal grandfather, saying I lack common sense and intellect. He was angry that my cousin, who was the driver for the day, had her time wasted, despite the fact that my cousin planned to be with me the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 109

You never see that in those pornos (or so I'm told)

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 04:00

Today, while trying anal for the first time, my partner pulled out but the condom got stuck. It was left it dangling outta my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 386

We're gonna have a real good time together

By Mjskywalk - 16/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I bought tickets to Walt Disney World for myself and my 6 year-old. She just announced she's afraid to ride an escalator, to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 214

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 07/04/2023 18:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today I ran across the street to help a woman who had fallen off her bicycle. While running, I tripped and broke my arm. Surgery is needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 151

Personal preference or Fatphobia? You decide!

By IHateFakePpl - 29/10/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that losing 110 lbs causes people to start kissing your ass. The same people who told me to go fuck myself and didn’t give me the time of day before are now worshipping the ground I walk on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 311

By Weedle - 04/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 1 942

Quit meddling

By Anonymous - 27/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, my dad tried to get me to change my resume. Here's the fun part: I took resume classes and had a career coach help me make it. Even knowing all that, he still insisted I change the entire thing. A perfectly fine professional resume into one that resembles a Word resume template. I just want to scream right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 174

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The Top

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 985

You deserved it 3 947

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws, who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 6 327

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 055

You deserved it 55 279

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 232

Today, I went to a party with 5 of my friends. Within five minutes, they'd all paired up and gone. Then it was just me, drinking my pain away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 140

Today, my husband is divorcing me because I refused to sign off on the paperwork to break our kids’ trust funds or mortgage our house in order to pay for surgery for his 12 year-old dog. Yeah, it’s not like our kids need a future or a place to live or anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 197