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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Ashley Youngman - 16/06/2019 20:04

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 1 227

Get on with it!

By Mimmi491 - 28/02/2021 17:01

Today, I'm waiting for the second evaluator to accept my master's thesis so I can graduate. If my grade isn't submitted by the end of the week, my credits will expire, which will have consequences for my job. The evaluator is the same woman who graded essays from the beginning of the college year at the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 125

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 10:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I’m at home, sick with a really bad sinus and ear infection. If I'd gone to the clinic earlier, then it wouldn’t have spread to my ears, but my boss wouldn’t let me take a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 149

Trance

By carly rose - 26/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 197

Can't or won't?

By David - 17/08/2023 06:00

Today, after my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer, I'd packed my belongings and quit my job to go help my mom take care of him. Now she's had a stroke, so I spend my days/nights taking care of both of them. The thing is, I have 3 siblings that live within 5 miles that can't lift a finger to help. I love my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 106

Comedic timing

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 23:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while at a family baby shower, my grandfather thought it would be funny to inform me, in front of everyone, that I had gotten fat. I'm 7 months pregnant and the baby shower was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 182

Suspicious

By GabrielleB - 12/07/2023 06:00

Today, I confronted my 32 year-old boyfriend about texting his 17 year-old female coworker. He says they only talk about “work related things and video games” and not about “sex or anything.” What work related things could they be talking about all day and all night long? They work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 212

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 12:00

Today, my husband suddenly decided he was going to stop talking about all the changes he needed to make, and finally do them. That's great, except that in less than a day, he lost his shit at me and our young kids for not immediately fixing everything about ourselves as well. They're still sobbing and he doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 148

Teamwork works

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 07:58 - Australia

Today, I had a huge amount of work to get through. Two colleagues offered to help, because one had nothing else to do, and the other couldn't work until I was done. My boss got really pissed at me for "making" them do my job and wasting their time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 115

Not missing out on much

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 02:01

Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 177

Edgy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 10:00

Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 262

Nurture vs. Nature

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 22:00

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 356

**** management

By jobless! - 17/10/2021 23:00

Today, I tried to clock in at 2 pm, but the machine was malfunctioning and kept refusing my card until 2:01. Just yesterday, our manager gave a long angry speech about firing the next person who doesn’t clock in when they’re supposed to, “on the dot.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 106

This is fine

By Changing the locks tomorrow - 08/03/2023 06:00

Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 137

Manchild

By Soontobeedivorced - 13/03/2022 22:00

Today, I confronted my husband about yet again going out “with the boys” and not coming home. I told him that as long as he has that ring on his finger, he’s gonna respect me, the kids, and our home. He responded by taking off his wedding band and throwing it to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 567

Chill out, Dad

By Charlie - 18/09/2022 10:30

Today, I spent $400 on concert tickets just to hear, “I’d fuck the lead singer” for three hours leading up to the concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 266

I wanna be oppressed so bad

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 02:00

Today, I found my 30 year-old sister-in-law's TikTok. All she posts on it is indigenous issues and goes on rants about how hard life is for her and her ancestors. She's white, but claims to be Blackfoot and "white passing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 119

Wise decision?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 00:01

Today, my girlfriend was given an ultimatum by her dad: come back to China and marry the man he picked for her, or stay here at uni with her 'white devil boyfriend' (me) and be shunned by her whole family forever. She chose here for her future career, but I think she resents me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 150

Neighbors from hell

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, and intermittently ever since I moved in, the guy who lives in the apartment next to me keeps having loud sex with his hookup of the week, while I’m trying to watch TV, eat dinner, etc. I can’t even complain about him to my landlord. Why? The noisy guy is my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 182

Peak toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 06:00

Today, ever since he beat him in wrestling, my husband has been trying to prove he’s manlier than our son, proving only that he’s the most childish in the house. I had to put a stop to it after he tried to stand up to the PTSD-suffering veteran at the end of our street, and got put in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 144

Desperate for attention

By Angie - 06/02/2023 02:00

Today, a friend of mine sent me a Twitter link, along with the question, "Isn't that your mom?" It was. She was pretending to have shaky arms from the Covid vaccine. This sort of shit is why we hardly ever talk to each other. Oh and her acting was worse than any school play I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 143

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 98

Thanks capitalism!

By PolarBear2020 - 03/01/2022 22:59

Today, I was informed by a supermarket employee that yet another product that I loved to eat has been discontinued, due to low sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 168

Not the one

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 23:00

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 502

Thanks everyone

By HappyBirthdayToMe - 10/04/2023 12:00 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I'd organized a small dinner with immediate family for my birthday. I’ve since received texts from every one of them, cancelling due to varying reasons. My parents excuse is the funniest - they went out last night for a coworker’s party, and don’t want to go out again tonight. For me. Their child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 139

Parting gift

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 20:01

Today, the girl who lived downstairs and who was also sleeping with my guy moved out. She left a stack of my mail she had been taking at my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 112

Get on with it!

By Crapped - 10/06/2021 20:01

Today, I shat myself, all because my little sister spent two hours trying to make a TikTok video in the one bathroom we have in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 153

This is ain't it, son

By I can never win - 13/07/2023 18:00

Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 960

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 162

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 10:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 423

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The Top

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 1 458

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 410

You deserved it 60 044

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 840

You deserved it 578

Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 2 619

Today, I sneezed so hard, my smartwatch congratulated me for starting a workout. It ended up being the most exercise I got all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 146

Today, I bought my niece a huge stuffed teddy bear for her birthday because I wanted to be the cool aunt/uncle. She hugged it, smiled, and then immediately hugged the gift bag instead, because apparently it made a "funny" crinkly noise. I have officially been defeated by packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 86