The Top

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Birthday girl

By Lisa - 27/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a client refused to pay for the nails I spent nearly three hours doing, because apparently it's her birthday and "you don't pay for birthday nails." She refused to pay, and we locked her inside the salon. She threw a bitch fit and rolled on the ground like a worm, kicking and screaming until the cops arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 73

Extra NSFW

By WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK - 31/05/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 122

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/06/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 964

How could you?

By Anonymous - 07/06/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 93

Daily grind

By well fuck - 17/06/2026 22:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I got home from working 14 hours straight, went to take a dump, and fell asleep on the toilet. I woke up later on the floor, covered in shit and piss, with my alarm going off, an hour before I was due back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 109

They're all out to get me

By Anonymous - 21/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, we drove for four days across states. My dad refused to let us go into the amusement park or check into the hotel we'd traveled for. The park is now cashless and he swears that it’s a government conspiracy to monitor and control us. He made us sleep in the car before going home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 69

I want more

By Anonymous - 26/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 434

Gimme the juice

By Anonymous - 09/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I was overjoyed when someone finally came to my house to get the electricity back up and running. All that was changed to dismay upon finding out they first needed to find a tree trimming and removal service to clean up all the fallen branches on the power lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 64

The Wrong Decision

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my ex-husband suddenly became so horrible and abusive was because he had a brain tumor that altered his personality. Now that he's had it removed, he's back to his old self. I feel like I'm living in a real-life Lifetime movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 96

How about…

By username - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 3 328

Digital blackface

By Fired - 03/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally selected an emoji with a dark skin tone to use in a Teams chat with my colleagues and supervisor. I'm white. One of them complained and now HR wants to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 103

Stalker woes

By Sorry - 10/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I liked a photo posted in 2016 while scrolling through someone's social media profile. In a panic, I blocked him. Ten minutes later, I remembered that we work together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 369

Awesome

By Jadwiga - 27/08/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 193

Tasty treat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2025 12:00

Today, I discovered that the delicious beef jerky strips I’ve been eating all week are actually the dog’s teeth cleaning chews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 459

Bad friend

By Anonymous - 31/10/2025 15:00

Today, my friend threw a milkshake at a guy spinning a sign on the side of the road. The guy stormed over and dragged my friend out the car window. When I jumped out to help, I'd forgotten to put my car in park, and it rolled across the street and hit a ditch. Then the sign spinner kicked both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 087

Motherly odor

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 15:00

Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 118

Related by blood

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 03:00

Today, via Ancestry, I learned I am distantly related to my boss. Did it bring us closer? Did it buggery. My boss is a vindictive harpy at the best of times and now she knows we share a great-great-grandmother, she hates me even more because “my side of the family blah blah blah…” FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 88

Bad day, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/11/2025 22:00

Today, work was exhausting, so I decided to get a pretzel crust pizza from Little Caesars on the way home. When I got home and opened the box, not only was the pizza cooked rather poorly, but there was also a mountain of salt strewn all over it, EXCEPT for the crust. How do you even mess up that badly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 80

It's the thought that counts

By cakelady - 16/11/2025 12:00

Today, I spent two hours baking a chocolate cake for my coworker Cathy's birthday. I took it into the office, everyone gathered, and we sang. Her birthday is actually next week. The person whose birthday was today is named Kevin, and he’s allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 225

Holiday season

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 09:00

Today, I’m a recovering alcoholic. With the upcoming holiday, I have two choices; I can go over my family’s house who are all heavy drinkers and hope I don’t relapse, or I can stay home by myself and hope the crushing loneliness doesn’t drive me back to the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 95

Try new things, you never know…

By Chelsea - 07/12/2025 20:00

Today, as this is the real world, I accept that my guy likes me partly for my fit (and I think nice) body, so I accept him saying the one thing nicer than my body is me nude with another woman. So his B-day gift was me and a mutual lady friend in some joint nude pics. However, I do mind these pics turning me on more than my guy does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 323

Stalking the past

By Cringe - 09/12/2025 15:00

Today, I was going down nostalgia road on Instagram at 2 a.m when I accidentally liked a photo on my ex’s account from seven years ago. I panicked, unliked it, locked my phone, and threw it across the bed like it was possessed. I still haven’t unclenched because I don't know if he'll see it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 413

Enjoy yourself

By Anonymous - 25/12/2025 12:00

Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees, and her cruise ship fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 73

Show yourself!

By Coneer - 19/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told an employee to turn her camera on during a meeting when she worked remote. Since she refused to turn it on, I questioned the veracity of whether she was actually working at home, so I threatened to take disciplinary action. She responded by filing a complaint to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 599

Cranking it

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 12:00

Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 157

Doctors with borders

By Tired - 29/01/2026 22:00

Today, after a 12-hour shift, I went to a grocery store still in scrubs. Someone asked me for medical advice in the cereal aisle. While explaining I couldn’t diagnose them, I knocked over a display of pasta sauce with my cart. It shattered everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 79

Badass

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 20:00

Today, my grandmother got caught trying to rob a casino. She was planning this for months, and is claiming I was an integral part of the heist. I'm fifteen and had no idea she was planning this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 69

Red flag

By FML - 14/02/2026 22:00

Today, I'm getting married in a week. I was sashaying around the kitchen talking to my friend on the phone, saying, "No more diets, no more blowjobs, and if he complains I get half his money!" when I turned and saw my fiancé in the door. He won't believe that it was a joke and now wants a prenup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 135

How the other half lives

By They're children, they want to play - 18/02/2026 12:00

Today, I got a noise complaint about "loud stomping" in my apartment disturbing the tenant below. I guess I'm supposed to tell my sweet children that they are no longer allowed to play in their own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 706

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 22:00

Today, my mom announced that she's getting back together with my stepdad, who just got out of prison. He was in prison because he beat her, choked her, and caused her to have a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 65

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The Top

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 292

You deserved it 2 661

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 3 535

Today, I paid a repairman $65 to come to my house to fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side that said, "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said, "All fixed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 385

You deserved it 45 716

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 006

You deserved it 3 456

Today, I feel so tired and hungover after going to the office summer party yesterday. I had no alcohol to drink and I left at 10pm, way earlier than all my team. My team drank a lot and stayed until after 1am. They all showed up earlier and looking better than me, while I'm a trainwreck with a bad headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 115

Today, like we do every year, we watched a documentary show's annual Halloween special. Everything is set: food, location, the works. Our so-called uber-religious mom, who always opposes to this because it's "inauspicious", right before it started, hijacked the TV to stay in one channel, The 24-Hour Bible Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 88