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By Haitwun - 08/12/2014 02:18 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 299

You deserved it 2 949

By bexes - 27/08/2013 10:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 795

You deserved it 4 429

bexes tells us more.

bexes 7

Wednesday 28 August 2013 2:04

Hey guys, OP here. After reading some of the comments I can see there is a bit of confusion. The babysitting thing was a great gig at the start. She was paying me $200/week. What had happened was she hurt her back and couldn't work but had to go to multiple dr appointments there after. I was wanting to take a CNA course that cost $500. So we agreed she would pay for the class if I continued to watch the kids during her appointments. I held up my end she didn't.

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 107

By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 707

You deserved it 21 072

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 706

You deserved it 2 691

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 14:13 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 31 080

Fight clubbed

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 148

Jumping the gun

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 147

Welcome to the family!

By Sprtsgeek13 - 13/09/2012 12:37 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 469

You deserved it 2 542

By Chloe - 20/12/2010 18:08 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 993

You deserved it 65 834

By Kole - 13/01/2017 20:00

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even that funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 571

You deserved it 1 926

My kids would never lie

By au. - 06/01/2022 05:01

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 123

By byepolar_bare - 19/12/2010 11:29 - United States

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 661

You deserved it 3 347

By nzkristy - 03/01/2010 10:59 - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 984

You deserved it 2 288

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 830

You deserved it 4 883

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 604

You deserved it 3 815

By NotSoYoung - 17/06/2009 16:35 - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 824

You deserved it 70 712

By de-ow-dorant - 19/01/2017 08:00

Today, as I was putting on deodorant, I sneezed the hardest I've ever sneezed before. I ended up pulling a muscle in my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 606

Weak lemon drink

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 11:01 - Colombia - Medell?n

Today, my girlfriend made the case that sexting a guy she hasn’t seen in person doesn’t count as cheating, because her “hobby” predates our 3-year relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 183

By idiotfriend - 16/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 742

You deserved it 87 840

Stacy's Mom

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out that one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 267

By HoratioNo - 14/08/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 159

You deserved it 3 948

Well spotted

By baybuh - 30/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 918

You deserved it 26 453

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 156

By just about pissed off - 11/08/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 612

You deserved it 6 787

By meow - 16/07/2019 18:30

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 222

Spread the love

By Darcy - 28/01/2022 16:59

Today, I found out that the same doctor who came over to run Covid tests on my family actually infected us with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:41 - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 766

You deserved it 6 897

By Doortje - 12/12/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up really tired after a night of just two hours sleep. The reason? The mall across the street forgot to turn off their music. It played Christmas songs all night. Loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 164

You deserved it 2 377

Doortje tells us more.

Doortje 29

Thursday 16 December 2010 23:54

It was a mistake, normally the music goes out when the mall closes. It was just something that'll likely not happen again but was really frustrating at that moment.

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 3 739