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Quit while you're ahead

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 11:01 - United States - Delhi

Today, I'm an executive at a startup game studio, making only $18,000 a year after 3 years of helping build the company. I was promised a raise once we secured our Seed B funding. So, after our investors backed us for $4.5 million recently, I followed up with the CEO about this. He responded by sending me a troll face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 131

By Hairy_Potter - 23/01/2014 17:13 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 524

You deserved it 3 937

By TiredMom - 16/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 985

You deserved it 10 106

Karen strikes again

By Ihateithere - 13/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was reduced to tears and called a "useless fat bitch" by a customer I was serving. She didn’t realize that the steak fajitas she’d ordered had steak in them. She said she was a vegetarian. She failed to mention it, but apparently it was "my fault" because I “should have known." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 129

By yogabbagabba - 03/09/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 213

You deserved it 38 777

By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - 18/01/2014 21:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 466

You deserved it 5 824

By deflower - 22/01/2013 08:09 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 815

You deserved it 5 045

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 173

You deserved it 7 249

By pubes - 18/03/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 570

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 787

You deserved it 36 117

By Girl - 17/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 702

You deserved it 5 142

Suspicious Minds

By TM in SA - 05/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left to visit her mom for the first time since Covid. I'm happy for her, the problem is I've lost a lot of weight and put on muscle since Covid, so she's terrified I'll cheat on her while she's gone, and demanded I install Net Nanny on my phone. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 390

Snarky

By great - 10/02/2012 21:33 - United States

Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 576

You deserved it 75 319

Take the L

By Skido - 20/02/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Halfway through the show the reporter started talking about his girlfriend. The fattest man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 548

You deserved it 9 060

Early warning

By Loser - 04/10/2022 09:30

Today, I went out to dinner with the girl of my dreams. Wanting to get to know her, I asked her what she’s looking for in a relationship. She scoffed and said how relationships are for the weak and that it’s better to not catch feelings to avoid being hurt. I guess I don’t have a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 164

By wtf - 10/01/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 077

You deserved it 4 987

Guildy pleasure

By SocialAnxietyNightmare - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 926

You deserved it 17 365

By Numb - 11/04/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 546

You deserved it 7 051

Final touch

By rydawg79 - 30/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 077

You deserved it 64 901

If only…

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 555

You deserved it 9 062

Magic is real, OK?

By yummolives - 26/08/2009 20:31 - United States

Today, my little sister received a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waved her wand at me. She said, "Abracadabra, bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and said, "Can't you just act pretty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 369

You deserved it 5 485

Appropriate work attire

By NiceShirt - 18/10/2022 14:00 - Japan

Today, I cycled to work. Since it was so hot out, I decided to go shirtless, then I would put it on before I entered the building. Ninety minutes later, I arrived at work. My shirt, however, was still at home on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 1 025

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/08/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 033

You deserved it 10 836

By KMKWEEN - 16/02/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 10 700

By finallyready - 08/01/2013 19:56 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 184

You deserved it 4 682

By cheated - 11/03/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 4 553

Congrats…

By singleagain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 876

You deserved it 3 593

By Birthday girl - 06/01/2013 05:59 - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 2 403

By Anonymous - 30/03/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 537

You deserved it 8 126

Bluffed

By prian - 08/03/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 551

You deserved it 36 340

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The Top

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for "profiting from someone else's misfortune." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 2 859

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 106

You deserved it 23 568

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 2 582

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 144

Today, my great-grandfather had his arm blown off in the army and used the splintered bone to stab an enemy soldier, and got a goddamn medal for it, and yet I just watched my grown-ass son squealing like a bitch for over 10 minutes because he got a splinter in his toe. How far we’ve fallen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 1 082

Today, not only did my deadbeat brother mooch off me for six months, wreck my car, and screw my wife, he just successfully sued me for the medical bills he incurred when I caught them and beat him within an inch of his life. Twelve fucking grand in debt. I should have just stabbed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 154