The Top

FYI it was an honest mistake and the paper was only turned in 8 minutes late...after some frantic talks with my teacher she agreed not to penalize my group and just deduct points from me. Lesson learned!!

Wild ride

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be got to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 5 216

By ShinedownCM - 23/09/2018 05:00

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 031

You deserved it 244

It's all downhill from here…

By Tree Hugger - 23/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 921

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 998

You deserved it 53 838

STOP!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 20:00

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 179

WTF?

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 395

You deserved it 4 306

Heat of the moment

By English_Nut117 - 30/10/2013 19:17 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 15 237

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 074

You deserved it 3 565

Say it ain't so

By loserwithlice - 26/07/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I told my 8 year-old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she's ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 975

You deserved it 6 297

Great time to try for a kid

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 368

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 2 438

Bummer

By Plush - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she's organising a bit of a party. She then said, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited, to "avoid ruining the vibe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 850

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 827

You deserved it 20 462

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 875

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 526

By shocked1 - 07/01/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 808

You deserved it 11 065

By pinkleopleurodon - 09/12/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 2 589

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 353

Spice up your love life

By screwed - 04/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 5 492

By sparklethelette - 07/12/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 069

You deserved it 3 505

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 254

Smash face

By Tori - 29/10/2021 11:01

Today, I remembered to show some customers at work photos of my cat that I had taken recently, and they love my "flat face" cat. All good, until I scrolled to a whole body nude I had taken to send to my boyfriend. I showed it to an entire family during my breakfast rush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 2 087

Welcome!

By madelynn - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 378

You deserved it 3 116

By kaitlynn - 01/02/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 911

You deserved it 10 279

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 830

You deserved it 11 698

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 559

You deserved it 6 410

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 773

You deserved it 3 430

Today, I found out after 6 months in basic training that my wife of 3 years was playing the long game to scam me. She took me for 25k while I was away, then left me for a homeless meth head. I've been "getting divorced" now longer than we had been happily married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 169

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 130

Today, on our first wedding anniversary, my husband confessed that he had tried to leave me at the altar and only went through with it due to my dad, brothers, whiskey, and drowsy cold medicine, but now tat he’s given it the old college try and lasted a whole year, he wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 66