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Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 638

You deserved it 2 953

By Norvi - 14/09/2013 05:51 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 863

You deserved it 3 163

Norvi tells us more.

Norvi 26

Saturday 14 September 2013 23:03

OP here, to quote a song from Johnny Clegg "these are the days of miracles and wonders" - my mom called a plumber, now to survive the weekend until help arrives.

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 22:43 - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 133

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 702

You deserved it 7 605

By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 1 119

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 510

You deserved it 6 158

Weird projection, but OK

By just realized - 17/09/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 398

New management

By anonix - 21/12/2014 19:08 - Canada

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss's new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off." She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 184

You deserved it 4 411

Busted by Detective Dog

By ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 14 864

Maturity

By merkris - 29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said, "What are you, babysitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on a giraffe, yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 324

You deserved it 12 753

By Lady - 11/01/2010 00:21 - United States

Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 288

You deserved it 44 382

The all-seeing eye

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 5 807

That escalated quickly

By zenithbelana - 10/01/2010 07:01 - United States

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 2 135

By hunnydoll - 18/08/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 432

You deserved it 81 656

OK, globehead

By IntimacyShintimacy - 28/12/2021 22:59

Today, after a kid-less, romantic dinner, complete with fancy wine and a back rub, my wife decided that researching Flat Earth Theory was more interesting than sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 501

By Annette - 22/09/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 354

You deserved it 2 105

What are you doing ear?

By JK710 - 23/06/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 269

You deserved it 11 434

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 569

You deserved it 47 418

Noise annoys

By Steph - 21/06/2009 12:05 - Bulgaria

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 489

You deserved it 3 291

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 3 702

Opportunities

By FML Videos - 05/11/2018 00:00

...and just like that, the weekend was over.

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 77

By supertacowaffle - 28/11/2014 20:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, and for the past few days, there is a musical box stuck somewhere in my attic that randomly plays Christmas songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 443

You deserved it 3 264

supertacowaffle tells us more.

supertacowaffle 41

Saturday 29 November 2014 16:45

This is my FML :') basically we have a huge box of Christmas decorations up there, but there's hardly any floorboards and they have been put on the spongy floor, and something has moved up there so this box keeps going off, waiting for someone to move it or at least try and get the box out.

By kat - 28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of two and I needed food and some extra cash, so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone… and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 707