The Top

The train had those seats that run parallel with the walls of the train, not the window and aisle seats. And I tell you know that the lady was just one of those people that looks down their nose at most youth. I was in no way disrespectful to her and when I pointed out the seat next to me and she went and told the security guards that I refused to stand up for her. It's messed up, man. OP

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 675

You deserved it 5 012

Exterminators are expensive

By vinyl_mermaid - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 637

You deserved it 490

Social animal

By Well then - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started university is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 526

Oh no

By Bad sibling - 07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 241

Damp patch

By mommy - 17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I'd caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 540

You deserved it 3 362

She knew

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 03:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, a photographer came to take photos of my house for listing. While showing her around, she said, “I’ll just get this hair tie out of the shot” and picked it up. It wasn’t a hair tie. It was my rubber cock ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 427

Desperate

By ineedalifekay - 24/05/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "Who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 031

You deserved it 46 443

New parents know

By Anonymous - 18/03/2019 20:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 324

Sexy times

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex so he could masturbate to his favourite Japanese cartoon porn. I was obviously horny but his compromise was to offer to watch it and masturbate together. I’m an adult damnit, I want sex, not pissing cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 359

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 594

You deserved it 3 557

Tipped off

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 23:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 10 189

Anticlimax

By feminista - 28/07/2012 20:38 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 3 432

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 4 526

By justlittleoldme - 25/07/2012 21:05 - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 2 637

By mightymart - 24/07/2012 10:26 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 506

You deserved it 1 902

mightymart tells us more.

mightymart 5

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:15

I would have stayed awake if she would have called before, not like it happens often

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 766

You deserved it 3 882

By nyaahaha - 02/09/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 135

You deserved it 20 720

By Uniforms - 29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 434

By nothing - 18/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 694

You deserved it 56 780

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 4 395

By anonyme62 - 13/04/2015 09:51 - Cameroon - Ringo

Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long time, but as I also needed to go, I went to check on him. He was trying to urinate into the condom, “just to see what it was like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 014

You deserved it 2 253

By zuzu - 01/05/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 666

By jimmyt420 - 29/11/2009 09:33 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 587

You deserved it 16 119

Trial run

By Perdito_Coño - 05/09/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 813

You deserved it 7 631

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The Top

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 175

You deserved it 2 005

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 3 596

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 2 253

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 4 091

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 781

You deserved it 9 812

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 1 875