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By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 3 393

By shaft2112 - 03/12/2015 20:19 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 476

You deserved it 1 454

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 468

Grey's Anatomy

By baow - 17/03/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently having bragged the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well, guess who got a whiskey dick… FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 3 777

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 40 604

Demon child

By thatoneguy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 3 531

By rice_cake - 22/05/2009 10:52 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 313

You deserved it 26 067

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 757

You deserved it 363

By helpme - 23/11/2015 17:00 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 2 111

By Harry Dare - 02/09/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 010

You deserved it 4 329

By Nasty - 30/08/2011 16:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 354

You deserved it 11 589

By Fatnotpregnant - 30/03/2017 16:00

Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 1 317

By Anonymous - 13/11/2015 18:07 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 2 596

That backfired

By Alexander D. - 14/07/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 688

You deserved it 37 299

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 283

You deserved it 4 202

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 308

By dirtytoes - 06/11/2015 14:27 - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 332

You deserved it 4 025

Hormonal

By LNamesOnly - 09/07/2012 07:31 - Australia

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 695

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 838

You deserved it 12 134

By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 889

You deserved it 945

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 00:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 199

You deserved it 7 067

By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 6 837

The great pretender

By abbielane - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 582

You deserved it 3 917

By pimmster - 14/12/2016 16:54 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I wanted quiet time, so I decided to go out for a walk in the dark. It was cold, so I made a mess of my room trying to find my favourite hat. When I got back home, I was greeted by my mother in tears with cries of, "Oh thank god you're back!" She thought I'd run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 1 155

pimmster tells us more.

pimmster 5

Thursday 15 December 2016 14:10

I'm 19 so it is a Fml

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 306

You deserved it 5 237

By AnAngryyGiraffe - 06/12/2016 04:46 - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 648

You deserved it 3 998

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 795

You deserved it 3 893

Meat

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says, "We know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 664

You deserved it 10 100

By Shanarie - 05/10/2015 15:40 - United States

Today, I decided to hang my $200 cocktail dress outside for faster drying after hand washing it. I learned that it dries much faster when torn into several pieces, courtesy a stray dog that randomly appeared at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 948

You deserved it 5 167

Shanarie tells us more.

Shanarie 11

Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:28

OP here. I made an account just to respond to you guys! I live in the country, so I figured making a small clothes line for just my dress wouldn't be a problem.I guess it was just bad timing.The dog was an abandoned pet that was malnourished. Im a shelter volunteer, so we took him to a good home. :)

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 776

You deserved it 5 537

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The Top

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Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child-sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 009

You deserved it 4 667

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 288

You deserved it 5 364

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 894

You deserved it 56 270

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 125

You deserved it 3 402

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 019

You deserved it 45 944

Today, I’ve noticed that my boyfriend gets progressively more short-tempered and grumpy as time goes on, until we get to the Friday before we drop my kids off at their dad's house, then for that weekend he’s downright happy, until we have to pick them up Sunday night then he starts getting grumpy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 690