The Top

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By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 931

You deserved it 28 621

By Leslie - 30/12/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 193

You deserved it 2 839

By The Horrible Older Sister - 02/09/2012 10:07 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 351

You deserved it 32 718

By adderallgirl - 12/06/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 974

You deserved it 5 341

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 311

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 20:00

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 670

Who am I? Who are you?

By Maria - 20/08/2012 13:25 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 843

You deserved it 7 690

MY wedding, MINE

By chumpslolo - 25/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 661

You deserved it 4 006

By MarchingNightmare - 17/01/2019 04:00 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I have had 4 nosebleeds. Four of them, full-on, almost passing out nosebleeds. It's only noon. I think I need to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 228

Booze gone wrong

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 18:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 787

You deserved it 748

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 6 613

By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/02/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 383

You deserved it 296

Dodgy reaction

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? My boss didn't like that my manager and I are friends outside of work, and he thinks we are sleeping together. She's gay and I live with my boyfriend of five years. He blamed it on me wearing the wrong shoes three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 217

By epic174 - 07/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 2 812

By noworkformeplease - 09/03/2017 16:00

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 286

You deserved it 386

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 494

You deserved it 9 877

By fEk - 22/03/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 349

By hating my life - 26/11/2015 07:57 - United States

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 759

You deserved it 7 466

By FitnessFirst - 25/11/2015 00:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 195

You deserved it 3 284

By whoopsiedoodle - 21/05/2009 12:45 - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 641

You deserved it 64 486

By DWIcop - 03/04/2019 00:00

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 839

By abby181 - 03/09/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year-old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 127

You deserved it 3 510

By Sock_Muppet - 06/04/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 188

By whymegirl - 22/07/2012 04:24 - United States - Worcester

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 8 607

By ismomalle - 03/11/2011 13:38 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my uncle asked me to help him organize a surprise party for my twin sister. I think he doesn’t get the concept of “twins”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 47

By mottephobe - 06/11/2015 06:19 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after days of cleaning out pantry cabinets and throwing away infested food, I thought I had finally gotten rid of my moth problem. Then I vacuumed, and saw several dozen larvae coming out of my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 361

You deserved it 3 126

By No money, mo' problems - 18/06/2013 22:01 - United States

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 233

You deserved it 9 677

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 23:01 - Australia

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 192

Hashtag ForeverAlone

By Forever Alone - 16/05/2019 06:14

Today, I was so happy to hear my phone go "Ding" that I jumped for joy out of my couch. It was actually a character on my TV getting a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 304

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The Top

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 28 046

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 747

You deserved it 8 145

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 164

You deserved it 5 375

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 693

You deserved it 40 994

Today, the psychiatrist who I've been relying on to evaluate my condition to give me some real help, who I've been waiting on my appointment with for three months, suddenly rescheduled me until February next year. Why? Because she's "not working that day". I can't afford to see anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 119

Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 561

The Top

Who am I? Who are you?

MY wedding, MINE

Booze *gone wrong*

Dodgy reaction

Traditions suck

Hashtag ForeverAlone

Booze gone wrong