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By Pandy1031 - 09/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 293

You deserved it 396

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 02:35 - United States - Mascotte

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor, even if you have a C-section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 644

You deserved it 1 812

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 256

You deserved it 3 748

Young love

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 10:01

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because, "Nobody's that happy without drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 983

You deserved it 3 074

By AlwaysRejected - 10/12/2015 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 827

You deserved it 2 627

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 999

You deserved it 4 531

By fatblooddonor - 26/02/2019 04:00

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 353

Dr. House

By Doctor! - 05/03/2017 00:00

Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 207

You deserved it 424

Empty gesture

By AsshatUncle - 30/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Tampa

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 1 444

By clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Spicy

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 522

You deserved it 44 230

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while I was jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The thief got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 674

You deserved it 3 457

Lonely boi

By 733yoda - 28/06/2019 00:30

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 273

By Aldric - 10/06/2016 10:46 - Germany - Munich

Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my mouth blue. I then asked the make-up artist why they didn’t do more : "You’re so pale it looks like you’re already dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 127

By kanmcdan - 22/04/2019 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 551

You deserved it 424

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Spicy

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 609

You deserved it 7 490

Good one, Debbie

By xXxJoe16xXx - 01/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 8 444

Delivered

By Matt - 30/04/2019 02:00

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 740

By alicemassie - 15/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 448

You deserved it 3 728

alicemassie tells us more.

alicemassie 0

Friday 15 May 2009 22:07

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications. I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic. I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 537

You deserved it 21 942

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:24 - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 972

You deserved it 48 626

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 00:00

Today, my anxiety has been so bad, I have had vivid dreams of my boyfriend of 6 months cheating on me. This is not the first time these dreams have happened, and I know for a fact he is not cheating. My anxiety is going to turn me into the crazy girlfriend from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 327

Ceremony from hell

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 076

You deserved it 3 935

Comedy gold

By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up a copy of Romeo and Juliet for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied, "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 8 916

Cravings

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 02:04

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 454

You deserved it 250

By SOILEDIT - 24/10/2015 03:03 - United States - Washington

Today, my bio teacher decided to put a plant in his classroom, and I'm allergic to it. Apparently, my hives and runny nose aren't enough to convince him to get rid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 895

You deserved it 1 724

SOILEDIT tells us more.

SOILEDIT 51

Saturday 24 October 2015 21:27

I've talked to an administrator and they said they will do something about the situation, just to let you guys know.

The Usain Bolt method

By theultimatesalonfail - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 455

You deserved it 3 270

By Addianna - 15/12/2016 16:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, and every day this week, my office mate has decided to "liven up the place" by singing and whistling Christmas tunes and other unknown songs. She has zero musical ability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 810

You deserved it 664

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 09:26 - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 1 833

By elvisfreak5446 - 10/08/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 207

You deserved it 23 412

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Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 461

You deserved it 13 579

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 691

You deserved it 6 850

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 3 780

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 090

You deserved it 2 548

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 203

Today, I went to the doctor, who confirmed I have a minor infection 'down there'. It’s not sexually transmitted, but since there were no obvious symptoms, he asked how I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell him my husband was going down on me and noticed it tasted different from normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 274