By b5b0n36 - 06/03/2016 02:38 - United States - Los Angeles
The Top
b5b0n36 tells us more.
By Getthelysol - 10/10/2018 05:00
Likely story
By Gabriela - 23/11/2011 01:00
Go for it, Susan!
By NotHungryAnymore - 01/03/2016 15:46 - United States - Rochester
By stillloveherthough - 26/02/2016 17:54 - Germany - Aachen
By FuglyBetty - 24/02/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal
How could you?
By Harry641 - 23/02/2016 22:53 - United Kingdom - Hounslow
By OPforonepiece - 19/02/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft
By Nutty - 16/11/2018 22:00
Pull up
By ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom
By shinymcface - 19/11/2018 14:00
By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 17:11 - United States - Minneapolis
Automaton
By Jessie - 25/12/2010 13:38 - United States
By lildale92 - 29/11/2018 05:00
By Anonymous - 08/12/2018 12:30
By NO NO NO - 05/08/2013 21:42 - Netherlands - Den Haag
By fuckingads - 14/02/2017 02:00 - United States - Brookfield
By SexxiKitty - 19/12/2015 22:45 - United States - San Francisco
SexxiKitty tells us more.
Hey everyone! OP here hoping to give you all some clarity! First off, I wasn't high but I was tired and I wasn't wearing my glasses. I live on a farm in the middle of bumble-**** nowhere and we have a small tree, about 5'6" tall, a little ways off our back porch. It was about 2:00 a.m. and my young daughter had gotten sick on her sheets so I was running to put them in the washing machine (which is in the barn) so that they wouldn't stain. I heard a rustling sound and I thought I saw a person moving out of the corner of my eye. Without my glasses and the fact that it was really dark mixed with my overall anxiety because my husband wasn't home caused me to drop the sheets and run back into the house to protect my kids. I know it's stupid and really horrible that I wasted precious resources on something so trivial but I was terrified. My husband is the head of a very small drug task force and even though we live in a pretty sleepy town, he still gets threats now and again. Furthermore we recently moved from Sacramento because I was almost kidnapped about 2 years ago while I was walking home from the park with my kids and I didn't want to take ANY chances. I was treated with respect by the great officers who came out and my husband was immediately notified. He wasn't able to come home right away but one of his off duty officers came by and stayed on the couch the rest of the night. Thank you all for the well wishes and I appreciate all the great puns!! :)
Burn unit
By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade
By vegantreegirl - 04/02/2019 20:00
By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00
Tipsy
By Anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville
By jimmy - 30/11/2015 21:27 - Canada - Orangeville
Let em in
By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00
Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.
By Karma - 15/03/2017 02:00
By Secret Isis supporter - 19/11/2015 00:52 - United States - San Francisco
By Dude_Stop - 27/03/2017 18:00
By JellicleCat - 24/04/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London
Nice try, Sharon
By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 10:38 - United States - Fountain Valley
By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau
Keywords
hey, OP here. thanks for the suggestion! I will look into it cause chilli powder was a horrible disaster hahaha