The Top

OP here! My son says funny things like this frequently, and it never offends me! I encourage his sense of humor, even if he doesn't know what he's saying or why it's funny! I even tell other people about it, so they can get a laugh too. I was encouraged by my brother to post on fml, because it was that funny! He'll tell me sometimes that I don't look pretty yet until I've completed my make-up. That question made my day. After he said it, I just started laughing really hard, and said that was funny. He said it wasn't funny, and told me to stop laughing, which made it funnier! I'm married, so I'm not trying to get someone to love me. I don't really wear a lot of make-up anyway, so it's not really the "high school girl make-up" thing either. And I am an adult. Oh yea, and I say "restroom"! Thanks for all the caring and funny comments! :)

Well played, Deborah

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 03:00

Today, my bitch ex has successfully trained our daughter to refer to her second husband as “Dad” and me as Mister, or Sir, or even by my first name a few times. This has to be abuse of some kind, mental anguish, cruel and unusual bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 95

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 14:52 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of, "Who the hell is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 693

You deserved it 4 705

Shy boy

By Anonymous - 20/10/2023 04:30 - Taiwan - New Taipei

Today, I was rejected from a restaurant that I wanted to work in during summer break. I asked the reason why I got rejected and the manager told me that I'm not extroverted enough to communicate with customers. I'd applied for the kitchen job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 110

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 02:02

Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 177

I'll get my coat

By Rossi - 17/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the guy I like shared a repost on his Instagram story that said, “No message is a message. Take the hint and move on.” He’d left my last message to him on “Seen” for 4 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 370

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 122

Long term cringe

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 08:00

Today, I realized that the reason why my classmates from second grade may have thought of me so poorly was that I stupidly told all of them that I was a bedwetter and needed to wear pull-ups during the night. I feel like a fool now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 228

Scraping by

By Anonymous - 30/10/2023 00:02

Today, after 10 years in practice as a veterinarian, I began an internship in hopes of becoming a surgeon. The other intern/roommate never came, so we worked extra but don’t make enough to pay rent and buy groceries. We talked to HR about it and they give us a list of food banks. We work for a university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 115

True believer

By No Prayer for Fools - 24/04/2025 03:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my mom nagged us to biblical levels to prepare and repent for "The Big One", which is a magnitude 10 earthquake that will happen anytime today until June 10, 3:16am. She claims it was predicted by a Holy Force sent by God himself. Who? Some idiot TicToker who asks Alexa future predictions, mainly disasters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 73

How could you?

By Kate - 26/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got told off at work for not saying hello to someone in the corridor.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 160

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 697

Bugging out

By FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU - 26/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I was playing an online chess game against someone with a way higher rating than mine. Amazingly, I was winning… until the fucking game froze, and remained frozen until I ran out of time. It wasn't even bad WiFi. It just froze for no reason, then conveniently started again THE VERY MOMENT I LOST ON TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 95

Off the rails

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 06:00

Today, and for the past year, I’ve been losing a custody battle with my ex, I got put on medication that makes me feel dead, and I just found out my current boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for 3 years, has been cheating for months with girls I told him I didn’t have a good feeling about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 140

Where am I?

By Blind AF - 04/11/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I mistook a straw hat for a stack of pancakes. In case you hadn't figured it out, I forgot my glasses at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 346

Neglected

By Story of my life - 07/11/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I was playing Wii Sports, trying to finally complete the "pick up spares" bowling game. My parents were behind me and said they would support me. After several failed attempts, I realized they had been on their phones the whole time, and were so engrossed that they didn't even look up when I spoke to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 701

Are you calling me fat?

By hannah - 05/08/2022 12:00

Today, I was talking on the internet about my goal to get back up to a healthy weight. Their responses consisted of, “Uh, don’t you mean DOWN?” No, I meant up. I had a stomach condition for months that made me puke if I so much as thought about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 144

Broken healthcare

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 00:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I’ve been on the waiting list for therapy for months, after years and years of childhood trauma. I’m haunted daily by the memories of what happened and I’m still no closer to the top of the list. I’m broken inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 131

The Hobble

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, three days into my vacation, I ended up spraining not one, but BOTH of my ankles. Now my entire vacation will be spent healing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 91

Cycles

By Anonymous - 12/11/2023 04:00 - Germany

Today, I hate sleeping late because then the day will be over like 9 hours after I get up. Turns out, though, if I get up real early, it’s me who'll be over after about 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 151

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Birthday Family Cute Friends Relatable My ex I need your advice Love NSFW Awkward Sex Intimacy Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Divorce Education Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 429

You deserved it 47 207

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 617

You deserved it 3 327

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 554

You deserved it 6 381

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 866

You deserved it 15 073

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 544

Today, at the grocery store, the scanner at the register gave a higher price for a product than the price tag on the shelf. Apparently I was the one being unreasonable for insisting to pay the price advertised on the shelf, and not some secret price they never told me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 121