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It's my face

By Hamza - 02/11/2022 18:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I took my friend to the hospital because he was sick. The doctor started asking me questions, as he thought I was the sick one. When I told him I wasn't sick, my friend was, he said, "You look more sick than him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 124

By boom - 17/03/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 164

You deserved it 3 791

By scfead - 14/08/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 544

You deserved it 16 212

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boss gave me attitude for not going to back to work this Friday. I'm a massage therapist and where I live, it's currently illegal to practice during the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 194

Looks good

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 849

You deserved it 3 340

By Noname - 03/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 918

You deserved it 55 374

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of a chemistry exam when I felt an urgent need to fart that was difficult to hold in. I sit in the back, so I tried to do the "One Cheek Sneak." It came out sounding like a loud, obnoxious kazoo. The professor remarked, "No hazardous chemicals outside the lab!" Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 252

So romantic

By XRP123 - 19/11/2022 02:00

Today, I finished negotiating my divorce with my ex-wife who is a lawyer. I spent more on legal fees than she has made from working in any of the last 5 years. It's hard for a lawyer to make so little in Canada, I'm glad that law degree, which I paid for, saved her so much money in legal fees. I hate all lawyers. Scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 174

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 901

You deserved it 7 059

By Nikki - 02/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 443

You deserved it 53 696

Johnny Weissmuller over here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 20:02

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 2 375

Confusing

By here's a giant baby - 05/10/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 583

By ouch - 08/03/2011 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 99 677

Bunged up

By P DarklyKira - 18/05/2020 23:00

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 188

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 00:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was feeling pretty cute in a black dress. Apparently, that makes me "emo" and an "online dater". FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 05:38 - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 576

You deserved it 12 917

At this point, it's just self-sabotage

By Just be a man - 10/10/2025 00:00

Today, I find video games very unattractive and unmanly. I told a great guy that he had to choose between me and his video games, and he immediately told me he chose video games, then asked me to leave. Whatever, loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 744

By catlady - 09/01/2012 16:56 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 801

You deserved it 8 515

By Stress - 24/02/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 297

You deserved it 4 541

By thatsillegal - 30/01/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 535

You deserved it 3 122

Barf

By rawr_ily96 - 24/05/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 250

All over the place

By unluckyinlove - 04/09/2021 17:01 - Australia - Ridgehaven

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and now has a 4 year old, and as he’s told me, we should get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 100

Sibling rivalry

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 08:00

Today, my youngest son got lost while shopping. I was frantic, but my oldest son didn’t care, his opinion seemed to be "Who cares?" and "Quick, let’s leave before he turns up." He didn’t even unplug his earphones or look up from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 155

You deserved it 4 609

All sorts of red flags

By KingRob - 13/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my ex-employer about the money he owes me. He'd said he would pay me $3000. He asked me if I had it in writing. I said no. He said, “Well, too bad for you. No leg to stand on.” Then, in a cringey Indian accent, “Thank you, come again!” and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 913

You deserved it 4 592

High risk

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 22:00 - Germany - Dresden

Today, I unthinkingly did something dangerous and now I have a painful kink in my neck. What dangerous thing did I do? I yawned. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 114

By welcometothefamily - 26/02/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 137

You deserved it 3 244

Targeted

By Anonymous - 10/06/2020 05:08

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 150

Badass

By Jim - 28/10/2025 22:00

Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 1 125

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The Top

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 338

You deserved it 1 781

Today, some kids playing around stepped in front of the bus I was on. The driver slammed the brakes, and I hit my knee so hard my kneecap dislodged. The kids were all fine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 368

You deserved it 459

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying that he's gay. I was thrilled and told him that I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 420

You deserved it 602

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 344

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 1 909

Today, my wife has moved into the guest room and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I asked for a paternity test for our kids. She swears she’s never cheated, so what’s she so offended for? Women make no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 693