The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Cold

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 22:59

Today, my dad justified leaving two of my three kids out of his will because they’re adopted and so not really his proper grandchildren, telling me I can’t seriously expect him to just give his money to people who aren’t real family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 574

You deserved it 3 436

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 22:31 - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 972

You deserved it 6 804

Old-timey expressions

By sexualpopcorn - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 419

You deserved it 4 490

By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - 05/09/2013 16:39 - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 553

You deserved it 5 069

Did you get your shots?

By It_gets_better - 02/12/2021 04:59

Today, my 75 year-old grandparents, who stubbornly refuse to be vaccinated, asked me to pick up their meds after they got COVID. I left work early to avoid the pharmacy line. After dropping them off, their pharmacy called: they didn't give me all of the meds, so I had to go back and wait another two hours in line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 266

Kids can be so harsh

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 21:00

Today, I was using the bathroom and my butt stuck to the seat a little bit, so when I got up, the seat unstuck itself and came down loudly. The girl who was also in the bathroom went running out, saying that I pee with the seat up because I have balls. I spent a while trying to convince other kids that I really was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 130

By ai_lauren - 19/12/2014 04:04 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 796

You deserved it 3 107

By getajob - 28/09/2012 17:40 - United States - Carmel

Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 2 068

By candice - 01/11/2011 09:09 - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 535

You deserved it 46 630

By Narehs - 13/01/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 295

You deserved it 2 920

Junk reveal

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 12:00

Today, when I was visiting my dad in the ICU, the nurse was trying to help him sit upright and his dick and balls plopped out of his hospital gown for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 161

By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 3 961

Frustration

By WhereIsIt? - 25/09/2020 14:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 467

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 05:01

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 01:34 - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 704

You deserved it 44 225

By edulover - 01/01/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 739

You deserved it 6 416

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 16 787

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 16:19 - United States - Memphis

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 3 098

By 3yrneveragainn - 31/12/2010 00:45

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 112

You deserved it 4 131

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 403

You deserved it 28 079

By targetlove - 10/01/2010 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 324

You deserved it 3 417

Don't Look...

By FML Videos - 25/10/2018 00:30

It's always disappointing!

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 70

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 4 541

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 198

You deserved it 2 032

David Lee Roth approves

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 931

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 423

You deserved it 10 317

Great start

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 115

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 933

You deserved it 4 115

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Babysitter Parents AITA Friends Holidays Annoying

The Top

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 907

You deserved it 977

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 470

You deserved it 6 165

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 177

You deserved it 28 500

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 361

You deserved it 7 045

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 105

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 161