The Top

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Small world

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 12:00

Today, I learned that my current boss took my fiancé's virginity back in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 107

Don't let 'em bite

By thisentiretime... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Morristown

Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 697

You deserved it 7 721

By I hate nasty people - 05/04/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 867

You deserved it 2 179

Ominous

By IloveMaroon5 - 07/06/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss unfriends you on Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 909

You deserved it 4 422

By AmNot - 05/08/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 815

You deserved it 9 777

Time for another podcast

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 22:01

Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 239

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 16:00

Today, my old company merged with a new one. I was calling our old clients, and ended up speaking with a reporter who was investigating our company for fraud. I now have a meeting with the CEO tomorrow morning. I just started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 135

By K123 - 06/06/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 5 445

By TANT - 22/03/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 84

By Burned - 05/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 7 110

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 161

You deserved it 4 454

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 02:25 - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 3 446

By transfer - 03/06/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 779

You deserved it 4 774

By Jusawkward - 01/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 700

You deserved it 4 430

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 144

You deserved it 5 959

Nice of you

By Anonymous - 30/07/2010 04:26 - United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 082

You deserved it 38 982

By Blurry - 30/09/2009 19:30 - Philippines

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 256

You deserved it 39 058

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 289

You deserved it 2 749

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 29 549

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 255

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 177

Thank God

By Dwarvahkiin - 08/08/2022 02:00

Today, just as we got done having probably the best sex of our relationship, my partner called me her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 175

Types

By aphre - 18/03/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual "type". I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said "Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 903

You deserved it 11 921

No stupid questions

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 01:11 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17 years-old, and was deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 419

You deserved it 3 302

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 007

You deserved it 3 689

Noped outta there

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance, which is one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I was waiting in his driveway with balloons, I saw his car reverse and go in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 090

You deserved it 20 430

By CAchickadee - 29/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 342

You deserved it 6 247

By Goody2shoes - 21/07/2010 16:08 - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 813

You deserved it 47 172

By bachelor - 26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 805

You deserved it 3 684

Bye bye, then

By emzymcsmiles - 08/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learned that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 370

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 594

You deserved it 1 008

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 523

You deserved it 12 293

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 3 088

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 497

You deserved it 2 405

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal when I got a call, saying, "Your car was just hit by a tree!" I said, "Yeah, right!" and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walked in and told me that my car was totaled. I then went and stood in the rain to watch a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 6 709

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 087

You deserved it 51 361