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Op here. Surprised this got posted. Sorry to burst some the bubbles but I'm not an alcoholic, I stopped drinking because of medical reasons, turns out I have gluten intolerance which caused damage to my gut, and by association killed my stomach lining and throat. Wasn't pleasant. Also I'm a chick. And since I'm better, I was weighing out pros and cons at 330am. If I ever do have a drinking problem Ill use some of the advice :)

By jigglypuff100 - 20/12/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 4 199

By bbbeast - 28/07/2009 02:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 989

You deserved it 136 337

Who am I?

By lonergirl - 18/02/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 197

You deserved it 3 964

By Oily - 16/12/2011 09:08 - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 237

You deserved it 14 468

Dude, gross

By caitplaysguitar - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet, and then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 6 608

By carrie - 13/01/2009 06:41 - Algeria

Today, I'm a 23 year-old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 248

You deserved it 6 574

A good shower

By headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 263

By CheeseTacos - 12/02/2015 22:40 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 3 056

CheeseTacos tells us more.

CheeseTacos 9

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:47

Hey everyone! OP here. Thanks for the support. :) some of these posts made me chuckle a bit. I did stick up for her and made him apologize. It was uneasy the rest of the night but I don't regret it. Bye!! P.S It was towards me. He was in fact calling her a "beggar". Hope I cleared some things up!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 07:00 - United States