The Top

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By could be an fml commenter - 13/04/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 695

You deserved it 108 296

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 164

Them frenchies don't **** around

By Anonymous - 30/09/2023 00:02

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 751

By fuckingdieyouoldhag - 20/05/2014 20:08 - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 9 639

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 535

You deserved it 15 048

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 17:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 234

Uneasy

By Anonymous - 24/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 25/04/2012 14:33 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 545

You deserved it 2 733

By tmac - 04/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 100

You deserved it 43 152

By Monroe - 23/06/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 4 253

It's all about that D

By MK. - 21/04/2021 02:00

Today, at the age of 22, I found out that Wednesday has another D in it. Literally no one ever corrected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 909

By jordeshting - 22/06/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 8 619

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 08:00 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 173

Alexa, play "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel feat. Kate Bush

By Forever Alone - 19/06/2022 18:00

Today, I realized that my YouTube watch history, which is mostly comprised of audio ASMRs dealing with loneliness and other anxiety and depression issues, has turned into one big testament to how utterly lonely I am in the real world, and that I probably will remain like this for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 076

Pranked out

By Anonymous - 10/10/2023 14:30

Today, I pranked my friend and started a fake fight. However, she opened up and admitted to doing a bunch of stuff. We've now stopped being friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 142

Grief hits us all differently

By Nasty - 12/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I just realized the last time I showered was while my grandma was still alive. My grandma died four months ago. Depression really does a number on you without you noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 331

By Satan's Mum - 06/05/2014 18:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 667

You deserved it 9 147

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 625

You deserved it 9 336

By Anonymous - 20/04/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 516

You deserved it 7 983

By 352 - 18/04/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 357

You deserved it 4 194

By Fml24609 - 20/08/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king size bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 794

You deserved it 5 738

By ohgosh - 12/10/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 4 598

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 03:00

Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 175

By Jason199615 - 17/04/2012 18:11 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 436

You deserved it 2 729

Dick move

By blargerpanda - 30/04/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I heard my 7 year-old step-daughter tell her father over Zoom she cries every night, because she wants to go home with him. I don't have the heart to tell her that he had kicked her and her mom out of the house because he thought mom's stretch marks were unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 131

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 371

The second coming

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 10:00

Today, my husband is trying to divorce me because I’m pregnant, even though I’ve been told all my adult life that I’m infertile. I’ve never even had a period. He’s blaming me for lying to him because he never wanted kids. He even tried to claim it must be another guy's baby. He’s an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 09:14 - Taiwan

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 296

You deserved it 6 808

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 270

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The Top

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 7 632

Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 513

You deserved it 4 406

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about five minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped and she left the room. After waiting around ten minutes, I decided to check if she was OK. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 826

You deserved it 36 657

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 506

You deserved it 46 473

Today, I was excited to go to a Japanese restaurant for my birthday. When the chef started doing tricks however, my spoiled brat of a sister started screaming and crying in terror. My parents insisted we leave and go to McDonald's because she was upset. She's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 137

Today, I spent an hour meticulously crafting the perfect text to ask my crush out. Just as I hit send, I realized I'd accidentally sent a screenshot of the conversation to my crush instead. Now they know my level of commitment: zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 571