The Top

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By uglynerd - 26/05/2013 00:45 - United States - Streamwood

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 810

You deserved it 4 620

Please leave

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 248

By Anonymous - 28/07/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 567

You deserved it 2 801

By Falafax - 12/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 311

You deserved it 4 472

Alexa, play "Hawaii" by Public Image Ltd

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 12:00

Today, my mom has gotten to the stage of her Alzheimer’s where every time I visit she thinks I’m a burglar, and screams and cries until I leave. My dad does his best, but I just want my mom back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 25/07/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 627

You deserved it 11 740

By knowtoomuch - 22/05/2013 00:10 - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 210

You deserved it 6 808

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 583

You deserved it 8 651

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 635

You deserved it 23 411

Twang

By Anonymous - 14/04/2022 02:00

Today, I snapped my banjo string while vigorously masturbating. I was so ashamed, I told the doctor I did it during sex, but I could tell they didn’t believe me. I want to curl up and die but that hurts my stitches, so I guess I’ll have to lie flat on my back and die instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 1 533

By Singapore - 06/06/2012 02:59 - United States - Shortsville

Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 394

You deserved it 3 596

How dare you?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 20:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 425

You deserved it 2 604

By xxxkkxxx - 29/07/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 828

You deserved it 3 350

By CollegeGrad - 25/04/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 786

You deserved it 16 935

By Kasnt - 03/10/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 577

You deserved it 8 235

By grossesfesses - 15/05/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 53

By help me! - 02/10/2010 14:26 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 784

You deserved it 2 987

By Anonymous - 11/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 688

You deserved it 18 333

By unnamed - 26/07/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 529

You deserved it 39 239

I am the passenger…

By northernlass - 01/10/2010 14:32 - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 497

You deserved it 37 056

By Jacoobic - 05/07/2019 20:00

Today, I bought an expensive, heat-resistant double-sided tape to attach my dashcam to the windshield. It didn't last five hours, but has stuck nicely to the floor mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 174

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 144

By ugly - 25/07/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 521

You deserved it 3 774

A "friend" indeed

By Username - 23/07/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 348

You deserved it 3 239

By bitter cherry - 29/09/2010 21:29 - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 142

You deserved it 3 756

By burned - 04/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 170

You deserved it 2 561

Coinkydink? I think not

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 20:00

Today, my husband and I ran into his high school girlfriend at the mall. We were catching up and my husband told her that we have a daughter. She asked what our daughter's name, but my husband hesitated and tried to change the subject, so I told her it was Juniper. That was her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 143

By serialkillingex - 07/05/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 176

You deserved it 8 087

By Karate Kid - 25/05/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 980

You deserved it 35 440

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 617

You deserved it 41 989

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The Top

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 574

You deserved it 549

Today, I was working out with my trainer. A question popped up in my mind, so I asked if she had to deal with fat people a lot. She then responded, "I'm working with you, aren't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 515

Today, I found out the love of my life was talking to his ex. She chose to contact me, including screenshots of him begging her to, "Save me from this crazy bitch, she's trying to kill herself," while I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I financially supported him through the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 191

Today, I tried to be efficient by balancing my coffee, phone, and laptop on the subway. One wrong move later, I had coffee all over my laptop, my shoes, and a very unimpressed stranger’s coat. They gave me a look that said, “Why do you even exist?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 599

Today, I joined the wrong Zoom link for a meeting. Instead of a marketing presentation, I landed in a virtual baby shower. People in the chat clapped when I showed up, so I just waved, panicked, and said, “It’s a girl!” before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 357

Today, my girlfriend's kid was acting silly and cutting up in a busy parking lot. I saw a car coming towards him and yanked him to my side. He started crying and my girlfriend screamed at me for "being mean" to him. I should have let the brat get hit, I guess. If this is the stepdad life, fuck it, I'm out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 110