The Top

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Realistic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told my daughter that it’s important to marry for love. She asked if I married her dad for love, which I did. She thought about it for a second, then said, "Fuck that, I’m marrying me a rich guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 128

Music nerd

By Anonymous - 01/02/2026 22:00

Today, I asked my crush what music he was into, misheard his answer because of background noise, so I spent 5 minutes enthusiastically talking about a band he'd never heard of, thinking we were bonding. When he finally stopped me and clarified, I laughed too loudly out of shame, then knocked over my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 177

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 297

Panic

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 09:00

Today, I was supposed to be on my way to Hawaii for a long-planned family vacation, but I had an anxiety attack that I couldn't explain. Now I'm lying in bed and crying, and my phone is blowing up with texts and calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 204

Take the W

By Anonymous - 13/03/2026 03:00

Today, I won my custody battle and I get to keep my deceased husband's kids. I know I should be happy but I'm getting so much hate from my former in-laws for taking the kids away from their "real family", even though they wanted to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 67

Low blow

By Alay - 25/03/2026 15:00

Today, while I was working, my friend stopped by and visited with me a moment. After she left, my client asked me if she was my daughter. My friend is 32 and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 84

Classic case

By Anonymous - 25/04/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son is complaining that girls only want to have sex with him but won’t date him, so he’s afraid he’ll never get married. Funny, my wife only wants to be married to me, but won’t have sex with me. Ain’t that ironic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 142

Business time

By Anonymous - 09/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I've had a crush on this girl at my office for years. Our work sent us to a conference. We bonded there. That night, we were talking by the hotel pool and she leaned in and kissed me. Tongue and everything. The problem is, at 40, I still bite my nails when I'm nervous. Well, she choked on the finger nail in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 589

Social butterfly

By Rico - 20/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, an attractive coworker complimented my cologne in the elevator, so naturally I tried to respond smoothly. Instead of saying, “Thanks, it’s new” I somehow combined two thoughts and blurted out, “Thanks, I’m sweating.” We rode the remaining twelve floors in intense silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 271

In this economy??

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my wife and I have been fighting, and she's threatening divorce. Why? Because I don't want to have a second kid. We cannot afford another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 75

Blood drive

By Queasy Dave - 03/07/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried donating blood for the first time because my company was hosting a blood drive. Right after telling everyone I wasn't afraid of needles, I fainted before they could even use one. I woke up surrounded by phlebotomists offering me juice while my coworkers whooped like I'd just scored a goal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 264

I wanna go home

By Tired - 05/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my flight landed after a 12-hour trip, and I walked out of the airport without checking a single bag. Twenty minutes into my drive home, the airline called asking why I'd left my passport at immigration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 363

Free Parking!

By Parked - 19/07/2026 09:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I took the last parking spot in a crowded lot, got out feeling victorious, then immediately stepped in a puddle deep enough to soak my foot all the way through to my sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 108

Short circuit

By Biker - 22/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I took a “shortcut” on my bike to save five minutes and ended up carrying it up three flights of stairs because the path turned into a locked service entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 151

Family

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 89

Clothes horse

By Monica - 22/08/2025 00:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I walked into work with my freshly cleaned jacket that I wear in the office due to the AC. The jacket has Velcro on it and I didn't realize until I took it off that one of my bras was stuck to the Velcro. My hair is long so I hope no one noticed it, but I definitely greeted two people after walking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 132

It's a trap!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I tried on a tight sweater at the mall. It got stuck halfway over my head, and I couldn’t get it off. I had to shuffle out of the changing room, arms trapped in the air, and ask the clerk for help while blinded by the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 340

Overfamiliarity

By Anon office worker - 07/09/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I went in to hug my boss after a big project presentation, all because I misread his body language and thought he was opening his arms to me, but he was actually reaching for his jacket. I basically hugged his sleeve while he stared at me like I’d lost my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 366

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 12:00 - Canada

Today, I was on a first date and tried to crack a joke by saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer.” My date replied, completely serious, “That’s exactly what a serial killer would say.” The rest of the date was eaten in awkward silence and vague small talk. I'm not going back into the dating pool ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 198

Bad start

By FTodaymannnnn - 10/09/2025 12:00

Today, I woke up an hour and half late to work, sleeping through nine alarms, then fell and injured my knee going into work. I'd forgotten my work ID and door card, and misplaced my coffee mug. It's only 9 a.m.! FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 277

Snow day

By Chyna girl - 19/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I pulled my clothes out of the dryer and realized I had washed an entire pack of tissues with them. Every single piece of clothing was covered in what looked like tiny snowflakes. I now look like I’ve been rolling around in dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 162

Footie woes

By Anonymous - 30/09/2025 00:00

Today, the owners of the team I support continue to employ a manager so bad that he has to be a double agent. Is it too much for a Manchester United fan to ask for, that we don't get relegated? FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 329

Not feeling it

By BuyersRemorse - 01/10/2025 20:00

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 406

Let me in!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2025 22:00

Today, I walked out of my apartment to take the trash out. The wind suddenly slammed the door shut behind me. The problem? I was only wearing boxers. My keys were inside, the trash bag ripped in my hands, and my neighbor’s dog barked at me like he had caught an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 180

Oh, hai Mark

By David - 22/10/2025 03:00

Today, I was in the check out line at a store when I thought I recognized the guy behind me from high school. I turned and said, “Oh my God, Mark?” He said, “No.” To make it worse, my brain short-circuited and I said, “Are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 334

Good thing?

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 12:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of eight years had cheated on me for the last two. It's been about three years since it happened and I now can't look up porn because it reminds me of the gut-wrenching feeling of this event. It's a good thing, but WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 111

Not a sponsored post

By Ew - 10/11/2025 15:00

Today, I was introduced to a YouTube musician called S3RL. I was listening to a playlist of his music all day. Then of course when I went to pick up my girlfriend, some song came on that was just exaggerated sex moans pitched into music. She stared at me then burst out laughing and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 357

Surveillance

By Bribri - 15/11/2025 22:00

Today, after a big lunch, my daughter told me she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want a snack. Ten minutes later, the sound of a bag of chips being opened summoned her like a beacon. She burst into the room, shouting, “HOW COULD YOU EAT WITHOUT ME?” I’m apparently not allowed to snack without filing paperwork now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 117

Are you good?

By I tried - 23/11/2025 00:00

Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 278

Confused

By I…… - 10/12/2025 20:00

Today, I ran into someone at a party I thought was a coworker and started talking to them about the company we work for. He listened to me for a bit, then said, “I think you think I’m someone else.” I apologized to this total stranger, walked away, and spent the rest of the party avoiding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 170

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The Top

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 071

You deserved it 6 149

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 134

You deserved it 3 558

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 243

You deserved it 56 200

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 682

You deserved it 2 483

Today, while intoxicated, I accidentally called my girlfriend by female roommate's name. Panicked, I tried to correct myself and said my female best friend's name. My relationship with both is 100% platonic, but as a last ditch effort, completely frazzled, I said my cat's name. Now she won't stop calling me by her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 1 405

Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 99