The Top

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Arm day

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 09:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I went out on a second date with this girl, who touched my bicep when I told her I haven't been to the gym since a long time. She asked me to flex it, I did, and it remained the same size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 149

It's never too late

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I wish I'd been a whole hell of a lot sluttier and more adventurous in my 20s. Nowadays my libido has me ready to burst, but my partner not so much. I miss feeling wanted and just letting myself get lost in my own pleasure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 28

Gated and confused

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I checked in for my flight, made it through TSA, bought food, and sat at the gate for an hour. I only realized I was sitting at the wrong gate when boarding for another flight finished and everyone had left. I ran to the correct gate, but it was too late. Despite me pleading, the plane was already taxiing to the runway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 550

Tattoo you

By Anonymous - 05/08/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, an obese customer wanted a tattoo on her inner thigh. I tried to be professional but after a few minutes, I could no longer stand the stench oozing from this woman’s crotch and had to turn my head and gag. She noticed and kicked up an even bigger stink than what was leaking from her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 62

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 123

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Euless

Today, I'm getting a divorce after only three months because my wife accepted a job transfer that would require us to move across the country. I'm sorry but I do not want to be away from my kids or my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 34

A new friend

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 00:00 - Belgium - Roeselare

Today, my husband introduced me to an old high school friend of his. He's always told me the guy is the opposite of himself and to keep expectations low. I opened the door to a drop dead gorgeous man, sweet, with an excellent job, car, and great sense of humour. Instant crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 217

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour trying to figure out why my laptop wouldn't charge. I restarted it three times, watched two tutorials, and almost ordered a new charger until I realized that the actual charger wasn't plugged into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 440

Here's your reward

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I finally had enough reward points for a free coffee. As the barista handed it to me, the lid popped off and the entire drink landed on the floor before I even took one sip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 79

Run Hide Fright

By IjustwanttoenjoyRome - 13/08/2026 00:00

Today, my husband and I are here on holiday in Rome, Italy. We both made chit-chat to an older couple who are staying at the same hotel as us. They've tried to spend everyday with us, even going to the same cafes and museums, where we are. We now try and avoid them; we end up hiding. We're here for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 85

Do it again

By Not Kevin - 18/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 79

Placeholder

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, but he told me my position is a legal requirement that produces no profit, unlike every other employee, ergo if I’m feeling ungrateful about my generous wage, he will happily fire me and hire someone else at minimum wage, saving the company money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 12

Toilet break

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 15:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 149

Suspicious messaging

By Yudith - 09/08/2026 15:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I received this weird email that mentioned our company name and an apartment number. I flagged it, saying it could be whaling. It was in fact a legitimate email, asking us if they could deliver ten pallets of stuff this morning. They just can't spell to save their life. Delivery postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 62

Short circuit

By Biker - 22/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I took a “shortcut” on my bike to save five minutes and ended up carrying it up three flights of stairs because the path turned into a locked service entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 151

Family

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 89

Germs

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I finally put away two weeks worth of clean laundry, only to get to the bottom of the pile and find mice droppings. I now have to wash my whole wardrobe, bed linen, and towels with disinfectant (On top of sanitising my furniture and floors). FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 144

Power steering

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 03:00 - Germany

Today, helping my boyfriend move to his new apartment, I hurt my shoulder. While carrying heavy things? Nope. Those were fine. What did me in was driving the moving van, which required very active, hands-on steering at high speeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 136

The void

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 22:00 - Canada

Today, I found the missing sock from my laundry inside the sleeve of a hoodie I’d already worn twice. I now know where my laundry goes to hide from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 91

Living in perfect harmony

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, after hearing them stomp around all summer, my upstairs neighbor’s obnoxiously loud kids finally started school. Now I get to hear them get up at 6:30am and stomp around while they get ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 61

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 342

Lucid boredom

By Wasted effort - 02/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I finally managed to have a lucid dream. I went to soar across the sky like Superman. Nothing happened. I went to have dream sex with a hot babe. Her body was just a blur and I didn't feel anything. I literally cannot recall the last time I was so disappointed in anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 168

Not enough RAM

By Chris - 04/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I got a notification that my package had been delivered. I searched my porch, checked with my neighbors, and even contacted customer support. It was sitting in my car's trunk because I'd picked it up from a parcel locker yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 418

The truth bomb

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I found out that my son didn’t have to work over Christmas because he "didn’t have enough seniority to get time off." He actually volunteered so that he didn’t have to spend the holiday with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 428

Free money

By Nick - 09/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 in an old jacket and celebrated by buying myself a fancy lunch (well, Burger King, but that just goes to show how well I'm doing in this economy). When I got home, I realized I'd left my wallet at the restaurant while paying with the $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 169

Get me the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Durham

Today, I tried to find a cheap apartment to get away from my toxic parents. There seems to be only one that's in my budget and it has abysmal reviews. The job market is in the crapper, so the odds of getting a better-paying job anytime soon are slim to none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 66

Old timey reference

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 190

Relaxed

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 124

Buzz off

By buzzzzzzzzz - 10/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 88

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 13/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 108

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The Top

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 730

You deserved it 5 546

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 489

You deserved it 18 112

Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 481

You deserved it 3 393

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 940

You deserved it 388

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 225

Today, after I'd been working a 14-hour day, my wife texted me to tell me how she would like to kill me. Apparently, the lid to the garlic container was not screwed on tight enough and it spilled all in the fridge. How is that my fault? FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 173