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No worries, end result is clear in my mind. This is number two I'm brewing here, have a one year old already. Just got to where I can enjoy games again though lol will have to take another long break once this little one gets here.

Welcome home!

By jeoak - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 2 334

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 15 000

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 901

You deserved it 7 059

Poor Neil…

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 20:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 3 353

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 060

You deserved it 4 054

By go fuck myself - 07/02/2015 00:57 - United States - Tampa

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 291

You deserved it 5 016

By Lililaloose - 24/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 3 629

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 279

You deserved it 3 725

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 247

You deserved it 1 950

Shitty

By OnCompanyTimeToo - 02/09/2013 01:21 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 9 345

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 6 239

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Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 515

You deserved it 2 121

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 495

You deserved it 29 051

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 656

You deserved it 52 393

Today, I was falling in love with the nostalgia of having handwritten love letters and flowers left on my windshield. Turns out my "secret admirer" was just a mean prank conjured up by my coworkers. They laughed. I cried, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 380

You deserved it 278

Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 272

Today, one of my employees was a few minutes late without notice. I asked in the work group chat, “How are you gonna take a shift and not show up for it?” She responded with, “How are you gonna talk shit about your baby mama and then get her pregnant again?” I’ve never fired anyone so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 2 793