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Waiting room issues

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 19:08 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 7 615

By shibs - 19/12/2015 14:30 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 323

You deserved it 1 859

By skinnyguy23 - 10/09/2014 22:40 - United States - Briarcliff Manor

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 518

You deserved it 3 639

Cultish

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 08:56 - Malawi

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 269

You deserved it 3 734

By too cool - 01/07/2014 03:59 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 3 364

Makeover

By Eric Ngan - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 2 225

By latepayer - 13/10/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 4 059

Rip it up and start again

By Seriously - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 430

You deserved it 8 382

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 02:46 - United States - Glasford

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 5 947

It's my new look

By Fenny - 27/02/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 443

You deserved it 74 733

By norpedo - 17/05/2015 19:32 - United States - Cleveland

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 044

You deserved it 6 562

By anonymous - 27/11/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 598

You deserved it 4 649

Brain wormed

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 22 626

Rained on

By smellyhand - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 943

You deserved it 34 488

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 4 142

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 104

You deserved it 2 851

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 520

You deserved it 5 223

TMI

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year-old boss's new breast implants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 2 405

By Abandoned - 09/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 856

You deserved it 13 538

Priorities

By sunlightchild_14 - 13/09/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 351

You deserved it 5 118

Don't bother

By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 075

You deserved it 3 325

By notattractiveatall - 15/10/2012 22:09 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 796

You deserved it 1 780

Freaky

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 421

You deserved it 3 193

By romancocks - 09/05/2014 20:31 - United States - Palatka

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 316

You deserved it 5 799

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 5 722

Moment of truth

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it, a solo came on, and i turned to her and said, "This is the worst fucking solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 901

You deserved it 86 503

Curiosity

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my backyard, dug up my one month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 693

You deserved it 3 494

By UnknownKitten - 03/05/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 256

You deserved it 2 059

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 7 343

By lemonadedisguise - 18/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 950

You deserved it 22 633

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The Top

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 489

You deserved it 7 934

Today, it was my first day working for a real estate company. Just when I got into my car, my pants ripped from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants, a split that was three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 055

You deserved it 9 218

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 144

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 166

Today, my boyfriend told me he had a catphobia, but I forgot to tell him my mom has a new kitten, so when we went round he freaked out so much trying to escape this tiny kitten following him, it reminded me very much of Captain Hook trying to escape being eaten by the crocodile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 712

Today, our daughter has actually been dating a decent guy, compared to the usual losers, and was going to meet his parents. My wife put her foot in it by repeating over and over again how important meeting the parents is. She psyched her out so bad, she cancelled meeting his parents and dumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 122