The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By jina - 18/03/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 087

You deserved it 65 169

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 473

You deserved it 2 886

TMI

By awkwardturtle - 25/01/2013 05:31 - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 717

You deserved it 13 842

Dream baby dream

By ugh - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 482

You deserved it 3 489

Wild ride

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be got to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 5 216

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 629

You deserved it 8 222

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 339

You deserved it 25 225

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 21:47 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 769

You deserved it 4 845

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 3 095

By Anonymous - 15/12/2015 18:10 - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 024

You deserved it 2 607

No thanks

By treats - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was, "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 3 689

By stupidgirl - 30/09/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 446

You deserved it 14 186

By kkt - 25/04/2013 04:54 - United States - Granbury

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 772

You deserved it 4 548

It's all downhill from here

By hifhfan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 461

You deserved it 5 186

Childlike

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 236

You deserved it 2 930

By chronic masticator - 21/05/2016 11:51 - United States

Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 839

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 230

You deserved it 2 522

Quack quack quack

By Saddoc - 26/07/2013 07:58 - Australia - Dalkeith

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 384

You deserved it 2 977

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:48 - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 266

You deserved it 4 947

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 443

You deserved it 34 721

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 438

You deserved it 3 462

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 2 814

By MedChew - 08/05/2015 12:46 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 601

You deserved it 2 149

I'm innocent!

By ostfae - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 233

You deserved it 2 337

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 08:29 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 945

You deserved it 44 456

By stuff - 16/08/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 696

You deserved it 6 326

By okay._. - 01/11/2012 07:54 - United States - Marysville

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 547

You deserved it 7 427

By Anonymous - 26/01/2015 23:24 - Sweden - Huddinge

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-worker's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 974

You deserved it 3 150

By Nat - 13/09/2014 06:29 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 539

You deserved it 18 732

By fisted - 12/06/2015 13:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 964

You deserved it 11 752

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 818

You deserved it 5 731

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 2 985

That is one hairy scary guy!

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 94

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 4 086

Today, to my horror, I discovered I will owe child support for the kids my ex and I adopted together since she couldn't have any. I've met someone else and I'm planning on having real kids with her, but these payments will destroy everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 399

Today, I asked my friend if he’d ever consider going vegan, like me. His response was, and I quote, “Ew, no, I’d rather get shot! How dare you even ask?” A simple “No thanks, I’m not interested” would’ve done just fine, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 596