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By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 810

You deserved it 4 671

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 952

You deserved it 3 763

By bcoper - 25/06/2012 16:09 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 2 634

By areyoukiddingme - 01/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 2 483

By TimeForAHairCut - 08/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 2 115

By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - 08/11/2009 11:46 - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 667

You deserved it 4 448

By ealovan - 24/08/2015 04:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 750

You deserved it 14 783

ealovan tells us more.

ealovan 20

Tuesday 25 August 2015 7:14

op here. it's always cool when your FML gets posted because in a weird way it makes the situation a little bit better lol. just some clarification, i started this job a little over a month ago and when i went to the orientation, they gave us $15 dollar gift cards. it was after a 9 hour shift when this sweet old man asked for some change. i remembered i had this gift card in my wallet for a month now and figured he would benefit from it more than i would. i was tired and it was dark outside, but i should have payed more attention. once i realized this mistake i quickly went back to my work, and luckily he was still there. he was very sweet and figured i handed him the wrong card, i gave him the right card and now everyones happy. i'm just glad it was him because god knows what any other person would have done with it.

Get out clause

By lanz4949 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 812

You deserved it 3 848

Timing

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 3 890

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 350

You deserved it 5 050

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 623

You deserved it 2 687

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 085

You deserved it 1 933

By lectro - 24/11/2008 06:08 - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with whom I've being going out for 6 months has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 596

You deserved it 3 798

Humble pie

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. I'd actually just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 308

You deserved it 62 627

By Judgeisalwaysright - 01/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 721

You deserved it 21 074

By me - 22/09/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 422

You deserved it 8 547

By j4 - 19/12/2014 23:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 631

You deserved it 2 966

By JK2010 - 11/01/2010 18:12 - Israel

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 3 244

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 831

You deserved it 1 572

Don't push your luck

By go choke on a gonad - 08/08/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 317

You deserved it 5 596

By Ryuun12 - 03/10/2014 03:20 - United States - Morgan Hill

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 8 810

Ryuun12 tells us more.

Ryuun12 4

Saturday 4 October 2014 4:57

Lol. I'm not overweight. I just have meaty thighs. Yet my calves are... veryyy skinny. I do have me some moobs though! Lol. And a bit of a belly. I was trying to be funny not complain about being fat, lol. But its not really that obvious. But you know. Always appreciate these nice comments. (Hint thats sarcasm. Besides the few that were nice.

Let's get loud

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 738

You deserved it 32 250

By newswithabitofbite - 28/08/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 3 232

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 699

By TheVengefulGeek - 13/09/2015 21:28 - Canada - Hanmer

Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 3 486

WretchedOnyx tells us more.

WretchedOnyx 29

Monday 14 September 2015 15:01

OP here. Can't believe this actually got published. Insight time: we've been stuck in the little-to-no-money rut for a about a year now. The detergent we had smelled like hospitals and that weird plastic-y smell you get hit with at the dentist's office. We finally have enough money to get the stuff that has an actual scent instead of whatever "clean breeze" is supposed to be, so it's a small victory that is actually quite symbolic to us. Your comments had me laughing. A lot of you are right; enjoy the little things. You tend to miss out if you overlook them :)