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By tallguy - 29/08/2013 13:40 - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 610

You deserved it 4 398

By kevinfmls - 16/01/2016 03:27 - United States - Reston

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 168

You deserved it 1 509

kevinfmls tells us more.

kevinfmls 12

Wednesday 30 March 2016 19:23

I haven't seen this until almost 3 months later! Thanks for the support, turns out she was LYING about being married and just wanted to not work with me in the most obvious way.

By anonymous - 25/11/2015 02:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 302

You deserved it 1 540

Spotted

By papergirl - 24/04/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 19 639

Creeper

By Ugh-Lee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a cute girl sat down next to me on the bus. She looked up at me, and then moved to the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 4 051

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 03:29 - Australia

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 4 132

By It'd be nice to see you too. - 09/06/2014 02:17 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 544

You deserved it 9 700

By dizzlewizzle - 06/03/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 186

You deserved it 11 831

Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 509

You deserved it 3 474

By sparkyjaf - 14/05/2015 12:41 - Australia - West Pymble

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 4 201

By struckbystarzz - 27/03/2015 13:12 - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 565

You deserved it 4 090

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 8 520

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 3 456

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 042

You deserved it 4 317

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 1 981

By katt_is_here - 06/10/2013 05:51 - United States - Greeley

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 839

You deserved it 15 110

katt_is_here tells us more.

katt_is_here 24

Tuesday 8 October 2013 22:53

OP here! To answer some questions: 1) The bottle...well, it's pretty damn obvious what it is considering it has GIANT letters on it that say "Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner" next to a image of a girl dancing with a giant ***** like a stripper pole. If she did see it, it is more than obvious what it is used for. 2) Soap can damage some toys so it's better to get a cleaner specifically designed for the items you are cleaning. You wouldn't wash your windows with oven cleaner, for example. 3) I guess some people missed where I said "SURPRISE" visit. As in I wasn't expecting her. As in there is A LOT of things I would have done to prepare had I known she was coming. I'm not messy, but most people clean their place better when they are expecting company, no? 4) I pay my own bills. This apartment is no more hers than my toys are. Either way, I thought it was a funny and somewhat embarrassing story to share. Have a good one!

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 930

You deserved it 3 149

By MCKilllerrr - 18/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 813

You deserved it 3 528

Lava

By not_fakingit - 22/09/2013 04:26 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 581

You deserved it 11 262

By silverlocket - 05/12/2009 20:21 - Dominican Republic

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years had proposed to his ex a few days behind and she had declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 577

You deserved it 3 223

silverlocket tells us more.

silverlocket 0

Sunday 6 December 2009 18:25

Yikes guys! ... in reply to some of you.. A proposal I was expecting cause we've been together for oh well.. just 2 and a half little years and he had only mentioned it like 250 times in the past 5 months.. so yes, I was expecting it at any moment! The ring was indeed beautiful - not a family heirloom - and it was expensive.. I actually would have preferred a plastic ring that girls use to play barbie as long as it was OURS and not.. recycled.. But in the end, taking it to a jewelers and having it turned into a charm for a necklace wasn't that bad.. No we aren't together, and of course, he hid his relationship with this.. ex.. very very well for two whole years .. funny part ? she was engaged living with someone else as well! Oh well, one moves on :)