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Hey guys op here and I want to say I'm surprised this got published. My daughter is only 8 and she is very competitive and will go at lengths end to win a bet. She did regret everything and it cost me $100 but at least she won $10 in the end.

By fuck off, dad - 02/01/2014 17:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 4 801

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 138

You deserved it 33 549

Bubbles

By soapgirl - 13/08/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 438

You deserved it 65 088

Stalker vibes

By nerdychick - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 371

You deserved it 22 489

By not saying it was whores, but... - 16/10/2014 20:32 - United States

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 9 146

By Anonymous - 14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 20 872

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 3 868

By Anonymous - 30/09/2015 15:08 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 2 598

Wrong end of the stick

By Matt - 03/06/2012 14:21 - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 917

You deserved it 3 864

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 531

You deserved it 66 069

Help!

By LtlCheeseburger - 31/05/2012 18:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 526

You deserved it 29 495

Customers from Hell

By notoneatall - 07/07/2014 03:39 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 694

You deserved it 3 962

Assumptions

By oops - 08/05/2013 14:44 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 628

You deserved it 5 701

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 729

You deserved it 8 444

By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/02/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 363

You deserved it 54 844

By Anonymous - 04/01/2013 06:18 - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 7 958

Damn, son

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 374

You deserved it 4 197

By quickit - 05/12/2014 17:14 - United States - Rochester

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 925

You deserved it 3 517

quickit tells us more.

quickit 24

Saturday 6 December 2014 1:55

Hey you guys it's OP. Reading some of the comments have made me laugh a lot! But allow me to shed some light on the situation. So I was just entering into my third week of working at Mc Donald's when this happened. An old woman noticed the two teens go into the play structure and reported it to us. We have a strict policy that children over the age of twelve aren't allowed into the play place. Part of that reason is due to size. Anyways after trying to convince the kids to come out my manager told me to go up there and get them out. I could barely fit into the structure but they came out shortly after. It ended with both of them being banned from that restaurant and their parents being called to pick them up. I'm only working there part time because I am a student but I hope I don't have to do anything too crazy like this again.

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 09:27 - Sweden

Today, my family is going to the USA for Christmas after being lucky and getting their tickets re-booked. My ticket was canceled due to the snow, and will not be re-booked. Merry Christmas to me, myself and a bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 161

You deserved it 2 784

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 54 389

By TonyTalkingClock - 04/11/2014 12:48 - United States - Haverhill

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 140

You deserved it 12 286

TonyTalkingClock tells us more.

TonyTalkingClock 11

Tuesday 4 November 2014 21:36

OP here. First off, I would like to thank you all for not only putting my FML on here, but also giving me all this feedback! I felt like I would answer some questions. 2 - Note to self: Will try. 8, and several others - I actually do have some French Canadian heritage, but I was born and raised here in the North Shore of Massachusetts. 36 - It's real maple. Thanks for the feedback, everyone! If you're wondering, it tasted like maple syrup.