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Headphones are a health hazard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 16:01

Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 137

Work faster

By Shoot me now - 15/09/2022 14:00 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my boss accused me of eyeing for a promotion when I suggested a solution to save our team time by staying on a 2-hour schedule in the mornings. He told me we average 3 hours for our production, but his goal for this area is 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 115

Classic

By Singleagain - 10/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 144

Windy

By Not Marilyn - 12/07/2025 03:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking into work when a gust of wind blew my skirt completely over my head in front of a group of tourists taking pictures of the building. Now I'm afraid that somewhere out there is a photo of me flashing my polka-dot underwear like a knock-off Marilyn Monroe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 106

Timing is everything

By unluckypanda - 04/07/2021 04:04 - United States - Makawao

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 219

Suspicious minds

By Summer - 14/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I came back home from an errand and found my ex in bed, embracing my 20 year-old daughter. They said that nothing has been going on. Glad he's an ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 95

Snoopy

By No way - 16/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I liked one of my crush’s Instagram post from 2012 while stalking his profile. Despite me realising my mistake and un-liking the post, he immediately followed me back, and sent me a DM saying, “Wow, that’s some deep digging.” I’m now referred to as his "creepy stalker archaeologist of Instagram." FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 565

Public Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 105

AMAZON!

By Anonymous - 18/01/2024 06:00 - Germany

Today, I went to the pickup location where the email from Amazon said my package was, but they didn't have it. Through order tracking, I then found out that it has been delivered to the wrong location, on the other side of town. This has happened twice in a row now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 96

Riled up

By Anonymous - 21/01/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife blamed me for the washing machine breaking. When I told her it wasn’t me because I haven’t used it this week, she immediately changed direction and started blaming me for not doing enough around the house, which is utter bullshit. I know I do my share, I think she just wanted to fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 151

Impressive dating technique

By Anonymous - 23/01/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 228

Home delivery

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 08:01

Today, I received two letters: an eviction notice and a Dear John. Neither went through the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 94

Three piece suite

By Anonymous - 23/01/2024 06:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I found out my father sleeps in the nude, when I rushed into my parents room at night to inform them there was a bat in the house. I’m traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 657

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I bought my house, my dad forced me to do all the DIY with him because I needed to know how to do it myself, but my sister just bought her house and not only did dad hire tradesmen to do a lot of the work, he forced me to do a lot of it as well. Never before have I wished I was a girl too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 245

Infrastructurally deprived

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 14:30

Today, I learned the “almost complete” transit that would cut my commute in half is delayed at least another year. When I chose my high school, they said it would be complete by the year’s end. I’m a senior now and it definitely won’t be done before my graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 167

Too on the nose

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 16:03

Today, my boyfriend was trying to describe his feelings. I asked him if he felt any emotions other than "anger." He went to get a beer and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 395

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 91

DO IT! DO THE THING!

By Aaaauuuugh? - 20/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally discovered thanks to my friends that I can do Tim Allen's "Home Improvement" grunt almost perfectly. Now every time my friends see me, they ask me to do it. One of them just showed me the Sonic Mania video where every sound is replaced by the grunt. This is going to get old extremely fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 174

HR sucks

By Anonymous - 23/08/2025 22:00 - United States - Akron

Today, HR informed me that they would not be investigating my formal complaint against my boss. This after four months of relentless bullying, including calling me while I was on vacation to tell me to do work, and eliminating my position when she found out I had gone to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 77

Insane parents

By mermyth - 28/10/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 138

Caturday treat!

By Smarty Cat - 29/10/2022 18:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I watched as my friend played dead to see how her cat would react. She got upset when he just sniffed her hand and walked away. I tried to explain to her that he was smart enough to figure out she was faking it, but I got called a "know-it-all." Jeez, sorry that cats are more intelligent than you thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 155

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 201

Timewaster

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I spent the afternoon transplanting a whole bunch of corn seedlings that sprouted, even turning over the new soil with compost and fertiliser. While watering them in, I realised they're actually all just weeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 657

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 10:00

Today, my teeth are very sensitive and hold a grudge, so since getting a cavity fixed a month ago, I’ve had a good side and a bad side to chew on (or rather: not chew on). Unfortunately, I had to see the dentist again for another cavity, and now what used to be my bad side is now my good side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 123

Tricky situation

By Im done for life - 15/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I have to figure out how to summon the courage to explain to my husband that I’m six weeks pregnant. We haven’t had sex since he got into a car accident that severely paralyzed him from the waist down about a year ago. The worst part? The father could be his brother or my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 864

Package deal

By Anonymous - 11/11/2022 00:00 - France

Today, my spoiled step-daughter had extra chores to do for breaking the rules. She called my wife at work, complained about the chores, then my wife called me and said that she didn't want to deal with the drama. It ended with, "Make her do something else!" WTF! She chooses her own punishment! I hate this kid, seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 262

Boiling point

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I had to stay up until 5 AM running complex queries, one at a time, for a comprehensive report requested by our head of accounting. Instead of a "Thank you!", I got a message from my supervisor telling me to re-run them all, as he had messed up a single calculation. Coffee jitters aren't why I'm shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 109

Another brick in the wall

By Anonymous - 28/09/2025 12:00

Today, I had a four and a half hour Saturday detention for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniform then sit at our desks and write an essay for two hours, then a 15 minute break, then another two hours of essay writing. I thought it was a cruel and harsh punishment, but did I deserve it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 710

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 140

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2025 03:00

Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 292

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The Top

Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 376

You deserved it 10 798

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 382

You deserved it 4 519

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 820

You deserved it 4 704

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 53 913

Today, I found out that all together, I have mono, strep, a UTI, and a enlarged spleen. How am I going to tell my friend that I made out with his dad, and now his dad is sick? This man gives his newborn kisses every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 1 519

Today, after a week of wondering why my room smelled terrible, I found the culprit: a moldy sandwich I'd hidden under my bed during a movie night to avoid sharing it with my brother. I don’t know what’s worse - the smell or the fact that I was outsmarted by a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 708