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Don't be an asshole

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 00:30

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 1 152

No happiness for you

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, my ex had a freakout because she found out I have a new girlfriend. She doesn't want me back or anything, she herself has a new boyfriend. Her issue is she just doesn't want to see me happy with someone else. Apparently, I'm supposed to just stop existing now that she's done with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 136

Baby Daddy

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 12:00

Today, and ever since she got pregnant, my girlfriend has been hinting that one of her great-grandfathers was black, so there’s a chance our son may be black too. I wasn’t suspicious before, but she has mentioned it so often I’m starting to think it’s less a great grandad and more a baby daddy issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 137

How did you screw up so bad?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 04:00

Today, after I made a new Google/YouTube account a couple of weeks ago, I failed to realize that the name I made on YouTube also relates back to my Gmail. I've been sending professional, work-related emails under the name of "Poop McNugget." FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 982

Tarred

By RetailJocky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 342

Never go public

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 20:00

Today, I learned to keep your posts private on social media. Your boss might find your Facebook status updates saying, “I hate this shitty 9-5, I want to be on a beach with a margarita.” I got a call from him saying, “You’re terminated from the shitty 9-5, so you don’t have to anymore. Enjoy the beach!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 12:00

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 140

Need help

By misty - 16/04/2021 05:00

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 571

Chill out Jen

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was at an outdoor market with my family. We'd had dinner and were about to leave when two women stood next to our table, smoking. We called out to let them know they could have it, as we were leaving. They thought we were complaining about the smoke. They yelled at us and stormed off, while the other tables stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 184

Upping the stakes

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a wedding and caught the bouquet. My boyfriend of five years panicked and proposed on the spot, thinking I was hinting at something. I just wanted to catch some flowers, but I had to tell him to get a grip without hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 721

NO DANG CRT IN MY ZONE, BOY

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 06:00

Today, I had to explain racism to my son after some of his school friends were talking about it. Another parent then stormed up to us, pissed off because even though I was explaining how bad racism is, just talking about it is itself racist, and he was offended by me. He made my son cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 259

Great parenting

By VeryLoved - 28/04/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 268

Two Scoops

By ice ice baby - 08/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, it'd been so long since I last had sex, I was jolted out of my sleep by a body shaking orgasm. I was sweaty and breathless, and it took me a moment to realize it had been a dream. It would've been great except the subject of my nocturnal ecstasy was Vanilla Ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 338

Best vacation ever

By anon - 16/07/2022 18:00

Today, I've been on vacation with my friend and his family for a week. Apparently, his idea of a vacation includes constant screaming arguments with his wife, while their kids sob in the living room. I tried to take the kids out once and got a lecture on boundaries, which started another huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 123

I am what I am

By MimiFufu - 22/09/2019 16:00

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 1 087

Family portrait

By a816090 - 26/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend sent a picture of me posing with our dog to his family via a group text. Along with our 25" bong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 1 348

Burning rubber

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bought a car that literally caught fire seconds after I started the engine. The dealership then fobbed me off, saying I'd driven it off their forecourt (by about 3 yards), so it was entirely my problem, but they still expect my monthly payments to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 00:01

Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 137

Power move

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 22:02

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 823

Haters

By ForeverAFatty - 30/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend invited me to swim at his house. I'm very obese, so I had some reservations about it, but he assured me it'd be alright. Instead, the whole time I was treated to his mother commenting on my weight umpteen times, and his brother calling me "Moby Dick" and throwing pool noodles at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 375

Blood rat

By jadalee8290 - 30/07/2022 22:00 - United States - Shallotte

Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 254

Get on with it!

By Crapped - 10/06/2021 20:01

Today, I shat myself, all because my little sister spent two hours trying to make a TikTok video in the one bathroom we have in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 153

Bad seed

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 04:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 356

Christmas shopping

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 18:00

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 336

You deserved it 235

The old dog has learned new tricks

By Anonymous - 08/09/2022 10:00

Today, I had a threesome with my ex and his female friend. He went down on her almost immediately, which he never did in the 14 months that we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 310

Don't bite off more than you can chew

By What do I do? - 09/07/2025 15:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, and for sometime, my husband and I have been discussing owning a home - a house or an apartment or other options. I've always wanted to live in a house, but I'm 100% sure I can't keep up with the chores or keep it clean. An apartment I can manage to clean, but not a house. I told him my vote is for apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 371

Spice it up

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 18:00

Today, a few days after I let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life and we used melted chocolate, I've now got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life, so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 2 510

Grifting

By ted - 24/09/2022 00:00

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn't believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 122

Karen strikes again

By Ihateithere - 13/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was reduced to tears and called a "useless fat bitch" by a customer I was serving. She didn’t realize that the steak fajitas she’d ordered had steak in them. She said she was a vegetarian. She failed to mention it, but apparently it was "my fault" because I “should have known." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 129

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The Top

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 670

You deserved it 1 938

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 118

You deserved it 40 154

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 574

You deserved it 68 159

Today, my girlfriend has yelled at me multiple times for saying sorry too much. It's involuntary, due to me constantly being told I never do anything right growing up by my parents. She knows this, and is even then one who helped me realize this, and still yells at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 177

Today, I joined my local fire department. While there, I struggled to open a door. Thinking it was locked, someone saw me and opened it. No it wasn't locked. I just didn't push it hard enough. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 251

Today, my desperate cousin "visited" my house demanding that I pay him back his mom's flatbed scanner I broke, in the tune of $3000, which should cover for "interest." Yes, I remember: Our aunt bought it for $29.95 on Black Friday. My sister is the one who broke it, and then blamed it on me. All of this happened back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 53