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Injury meet insult

By hystcheria - 09/08/2022 22:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 162

No need for white knights

By jpaylay - 31/07/2022 22:00

Today, my sister's boyfriend of over a year broke up with her. As her brother, I instinctively wanted to beat him up, but he is too much of nice guy for me to be able to hurt him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 1 078

Obsessional

By Jacklynn - 30/11/2023 10:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don’t have a life outside of him. I don’t have any friends other than him, nor do I have any hobbies or interests; he’s the centre of my world. Apparently this makes me too available, needy, and codependent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 266

Bang for your buck

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 06:00

Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 608

Trumped

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 18:00

Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 1 764

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 352

Flip-flopping

By Brandenn J Moore - 11/07/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 100

Gamers rise up

By Bruh. - 12/07/2021 04:01

Today, despite the fact that I've lived alone for four years, and have a well-paid job, my father is still whining about, "Why am I still playing video games at age 32?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 159

Slightly out of hand

By ThatGuyStank - 22/09/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 185

AMERICA, **** YEAH!

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 25/09/2022 23:30

Today, I was born and raised in Georgia, and later moved to Florida for college. I'm not sure which state has more embarrassing representation right now. I'm literally scared of what new laws might be passed, or what rights taken away. I wish I had enough money to move to another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 609

Don't go to Sunn O))) concerts, kids

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 18:01 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, my doctor told me that the intense, non stop ringing in my ears, which started suddenly at the beginning of the year, has no cure, no treatment options, and I just need to learn to live with it. I have severe auditory sensory issues, and have barely been getting by. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 127

Smash the patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 14:00 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 524

Stunlocked

By RoyBoy - 26/07/2021 18:01

Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 626

The master of the house

By Damn cats - 13/10/2022 04:00

Today, I had to use the bathroom when I woke up this morning. My cat was sitting in front of the toilet and absolutely refused to move. I seriously tried every humane way of getting her to move, but she didn't budge. I had to sit really awkwardly on the toilet to do my business. When I stood up, she moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 2 008

True romantic

By Anonymous - 28/03/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. During the act, he looked deep in to my eyes before whispering, "Up the arse next time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 382

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 184

How to make a sociopath

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 14:00

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 169

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 19:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 128

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 897

You deserved it 618

Spotted

By Bec99 - 19/04/2020 17:00

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 146

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 2 822

Yummy, apple crumble!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 02:00

Today, I accidentally cooked my new Apple Pencil. Being magnetic, it stuck to a baking tray that was put down on the table I’d been drawing at, and went in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 685

Fussy eater

By germaphobe - 20/08/2021 05:59 - United States

Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 167

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 551

Never get involved

By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 210

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 484

Big Brother

By Maui_Diddy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me, and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 233

You deserved it 440

Corporate ass

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 17:02

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 219

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 276

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 08:09

Today, 48 hours after my boyfriend introduced me to his friend group so I could make new friends and I'd joined their group chat, two long-term couples have broken up and left without any explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 162

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The Top

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly-born ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 624

You deserved it 6 573

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 2 564

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 292

You deserved it 3 683

Today, being the class nerd hasn't stopped me from being naive: none of my so-called friends has talked to me since the last day of exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 365

You deserved it 4 310

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 615

You deserved it 46 687

Today, my punishment for my 14 year-old troublemaker son seems to have badly backfired. My husband and I sent him to live with my strict disciplinarian father for a while, and not only has he changed, but he loves it there and refuses to come home. My dad is on his side. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 566