The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By raven_of_azarath - 29/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 170

The Trifecta

By AkaiKitsune - 27/08/2017 04:30

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 276

Which toppings?

By neverhealthy - 01/10/2019 02:01

Today, I read that food cravings are only supposed to last a couple of minutes. I have been craving and dreaming about pizza for a month straight, and the urge is only getting stronger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 251

Dirty laundry

By Howimetmybrother - 05/12/2017 06:00

Today, to repay my brother who's been hosting me, I took his laundry out to wash. Loading the machine, I gave a tug on the corner of a towel and the biggest dildo I've ever seen flew out of the basket and bounced to a stop in the middle of the floor. Every. One. Saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 640

You deserved it 1 027

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 1 007

By Devin - 21/06/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 748

Now listen here, you lot…

By Angelthecat - 06/03/2020 00:01

Today, I sent out a Happy Snow Day text to 20 of my closest friends. My boyfriend, who doesn't have an iPhone, didn't realize it was a group text. He sent back a text breaking up with me. To all the people in the group message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 969

You deserved it 269

Sneaky Bitch

By RescuePups - 30/04/2018 15:00 - United States - Waterford

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 824

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 2 107

It's real, I'm telling you!

By Tenniemo - 20/06/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 840

You deserved it 233

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again...

By Anonymous - 14/06/2018 20:30

Today, after showering and moisturising, I turned my fan on to max blast. I got covered in clumps of dust, which I had to take another shower to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 888

You deserved it 1 038

How Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 20/08/2018 14:30 - United States - Brick

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 181

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 333

You deserved it 346

Traditional values

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 23:01

Today, the seemingly normal guy I've been dating for a while told me he is a wolf spirit in a human body to bridge the gap of his ancestors and humans. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 192

Thanks, I'm cured!

By fuauntflo - 07/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 200

Waiting for that special someone

By foreveralone - 10/07/2020 17:04

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 243

Splitting hairs

By hairycarrie - 28/08/2020 13:49 - United States

Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 673

By Grace - 17/10/2018 03:00

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 1 398

We're on a break

By col - 04/09/2020 01:56

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 161

By B-377 - 23/10/2018 17:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 08/12/2018 12:30

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 300

You deserved it 691

By oops. - 22/12/2018 16:00

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 384

Stranded

By TheLemon - 17/02/2017 02:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 097

You deserved it 585

Not a med student

By indefiniteforest - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh… That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 599

You deserved it 626

Sex ban

By Ash - 13/12/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 404

By nenes_cargo - 24/03/2016 03:20 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, while doing a course abroad, I went to buy some condoms at a supermarket, because my boyfriend was joining me for the weekend. I don’t really understand the language in this country, but I clearly understood that the cashier was suggesting we try them out together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 157

By Matatat - 01/06/2015 03:55 - Germany - Pirmasens

Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one of my colleagues hit another with a sausage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 90

By Glassless - 26/05/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 166

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 22:00

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 729

You deserved it 411

By Anon - 23/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 210

You deserved it 481

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of their features, so I asked which one. I was told Homer because we "both could use Weight Watchers and an education." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 510

You deserved it 4 369

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 107

You deserved it 6 313

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 982

You deserved it 16 224

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 188

Today, I confessed my feelings to the love of my life. She laughed and said, “Nah, you’re like a brother to me, I can’t see you that way.” This after I drained my wallet for her birthday, brought her flowers and comforted her when her dog passed away, and fixed her car every time it broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 1 823

Today, l remembered the second time my then-future-wife and I had sex; she soundly feel asleep during the act. According to her, this was because she felt so comfortable with me. Well my friends, she has increasingly got more comfortable with me in the past 20 years. Very, very comfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 168