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Bored to death

By J Money - 03/09/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 101

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 3 758

By Unlucky - 19/10/2018 05:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 923

You deserved it 347

By Inez333 - 03/04/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 552

You deserved it 178

By EuropeEst - 16/04/2014 07:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish the job. Welcome to Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 91

By dieders - 12/12/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 090

You deserved it 683

By MaydayManic - 10/08/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 113

You deserved it 5 054

By bestbfever - 17/05/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 420

By rosecolas - 12/11/2016 13:36 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 3 734

By Alycat - 08/07/2017 14:29

Spicy

Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 976

You deserved it 871

By deerlord - 12/08/2017 21:45 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my mother pointed out to me how much my fiancé looks like my brother. She's right. I never noticed before, but now I can't unsee it. I don't think I'll ever be able to touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 765

You deserved it 525

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 538

You deserved it 1 542

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 435

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 400

You deserved it 1 428

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 05/11/2017 00:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 503

You deserved it 491

Cravings

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 454

You deserved it 354

By buggyluv - 30/06/2016 15:50 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 382

You deserved it 977

By LonelyInLA - 16/02/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 600

You deserved it 5 003

By H3lmu1 - 06/06/2018 04:49 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, a few idiots were fooling around and they knocked down a porta-potty. The thing is, I was in that porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 240

You deserved it 223

By Sloppy Cashmere - 09/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 901

You deserved it 1 450

By scarred4life - 18/01/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 218

You deserved it 2 125

By ThePaaaaaain - 05/10/2018 19:38

Today, the chronic nerve inflammation in my right arm decided to come back with vengeance. Anti-inflammatory drugs don't help me anymore and the school year hasn't even started yet. I'm studying illustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 276

Zivc tells us more.

Zivc 3

Thursday 4 October 2018 1:50

OP here :) Had to make an account to say - thank you! Talked to my mother and it seems she also has her nerve pinched at the elbow so I guess I inherited it. Unfortunately, looking at my chosen field :P And I've already spent 3 years studying, I am definetly NOT giving up now just because of some stupid uncooperative arm. Also because university here is free, but only if you finish it on the first try. You get one extra year if you want to change fields or fail a year or whatever, but that's it. Everything else you have to pay. Unfortunately I already spent my extra year due to unrelated medical reasons. Oh well...

By RinoaHeartilly - 28/11/2018 03:00

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 580

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 23:13

Spicy

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 815

You deserved it 3 684

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 727

By jaa319 - 30/10/2016 06:35 - United States

Today, a customer asked for my manager's number, my bosses number, corporate's number and filled out a complaint form, all because we kindly asked him not to sit his kid on the counter due to safety concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 365

You deserved it 630

Summer vibes

By milksquad - 17/07/2017 14:11

Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 352

Time to grow a beard?

By Ben - 04/08/2017 05:00 - United States - Lansing

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I now look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall and 9 years-old. I'm 6 feet tall and 30 years old. She said that having sex with me feels like having sex with her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 011

You deserved it 478

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 03:07 - United States - Dover

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 692

You deserved it 1 007

Single life

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 284

You deserved it 734

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The Top

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 370

You deserved it 2 309

Today, at my annual checkup, the doc looks down at my foot and says, "Oh, you have an extra toenail. Six, huh?" Then sort of scraping at the side of my foot below the pinky toe, he pulls off a long piece of dead, dried skin and says, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 083

You deserved it 6 396

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 401

You deserved it 13 496

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 680

You deserved it 30 929

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 379

Today, I set practically ten alarms because I absolutely could not oversleep for an important appointment. I woke up two hours early, panicked that I'd missed it, and couldn't fall back asleep. I spent the entire appointment looking like I hadn't slept at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 110