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By Bonecrusher - 27/03/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 5 359

By Less Friendship, More Cash - 06/05/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 2 732

By mommyfairy - 12/03/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 155

You deserved it 43 292

Too little, too late

By nubbins - 26/01/2010 06:56 - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 944

You deserved it 2 686

By alltimelove - 18/11/2010 15:34

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 10 045

By SigSeg - 23/12/2013 04:13 - China - Huntington Beach

Today, it’s been a semester since I came to Shanghai to study and my Chinese girlfriend nicely offered me a pear after a long exam. I cut the fruit to share it with her. When I saw her burst in tears, I understood that it was a way to announce a breakup in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 76

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 6 035

Promotion, huh?

By megs - 10/12/2016 12:49

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 307

You deserved it 1 139

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 700

You deserved it 2 886

By suckmeoff - 12/04/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 286

You deserved it 3 504

By "mbrider" - 12/08/2017 16:00

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 934

You deserved it 273

Miss Popularity

By eggman 583 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the six guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 986

You deserved it 1 288

By anonymous - 15/08/2016 03:35 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 265

You deserved it 1 559

The ball game

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of a sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 154

You deserved it 3 272

By good_gravy - 20/02/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 244

You deserved it 3 642

By BG1059 - 05/06/2016 02:19 - United States - Irving

Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 431

You deserved it 2 104

By Tmth - 25/05/2016 22:24

Today, I'm on crutches due to hip surgery. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat, but quickly realized if I wanted anything, I would have to eat there. I can't carry anything. Cold leftovers here we go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 381

You deserved it 897

By hhaannnnaahh - 13/02/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 022

You deserved it 3 515

By lovelychris - 16/12/2012 19:15 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 427

You deserved it 3 368

Asshats everywhere

By 404 justice not found - 21/04/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 343

You deserved it 1 572

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 304

You deserved it 1 590

Good one, dude

By poop hands - 20/12/2016 03:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 013

You deserved it 5 080

By anon - 01/10/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 079

You deserved it 3 014

Gimme the pizza

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 090

You deserved it 58 041

By shook - 06/09/2017 20:00 - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 12 025

By Girl w/ the Pearl Earring - 22/08/2016 11:46 - Australia - Perth

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 191

You deserved it 5 043

By b5b0n36 - 11/08/2016 16:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend asked if car oil could be used as a substitute for lube. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 985

You deserved it 1 448

b5b0n36 tells us more.

b5b0n36 27

Friday 12 August 2016 7:28

I didn't say anything kinda just stared at him with a look that said "you're an idiot" he then awkwardly walked off

Multitasking

By longday - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process, I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 6 872

By Joshua - 03/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 533

You deserved it 1 240

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 01:36 - France

Today, I'm spending New Year's Eve absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with strangers and booze. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 11 357

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The Top

Today, I finally got my screaming, teething, 1-year-old daughter down for a nap to hopefully get some work done. The second I opened my laptop, FedEx dropped off a package and rang the doorbell. My dog went nuts. Then my neighbor rang the doorbell to let me know I had a package. My daughter's awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 805

You deserved it 960

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 545

You deserved it 5 407

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 3 603

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 395

You deserved it 343

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 218

Today, I found out that the girl I love loves me back. The two of us are madly in love with each other but we can't do anything about it because our religions and our castes are different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 344