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Leg day

By humiliated - 14/01/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by, she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs, and said, "Make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 198

You deserved it 1 469

By Some Girl - 08/01/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 230

You deserved it 4 993

By ObeseCaveDweller - 16/01/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 025

You deserved it 30 649

ObeseCaveDweller tells us more.

ObeseCaveDweller 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 22:29

This sounds strangely familiar. Oh, that's right, it was me that this happened to

Good omens, etc.

By scoold - 21/12/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 974

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 938

You deserved it 2 235

By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 350

You deserved it 43 126

Demon child

By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a two year-old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me, started crying, and stabbed me right in the foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 394

You deserved it 2 778

By gotmilk? - 22/09/2015 13:41 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 682

You deserved it 1 856

By nomorepups - 31/10/2016 14:54

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 549

You deserved it 1 035

By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 36 285

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 817

You deserved it 3 435

By idontevenlikehamsters - 08/04/2013 00:00 - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 2 468

By icanthearyou - 04/04/2013 23:55 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 111

You deserved it 4 019

By makeover-needed - 06/07/2015 21:32 - United States

Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 1 882

Bad boys bad boys

By addie - 03/03/2013 08:27 - United States

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 3 082

By Nope - 26/06/2015 21:46 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 1 805

Chilling

By BondingTime - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 385

You deserved it 4 211

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 972

You deserved it 1 596

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 187

You deserved it 3 353

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 071

You deserved it 1 502

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 07:09 - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 438

You deserved it 3 525

By Anonomous - 26/01/2015 15:48 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 216

You deserved it 2 668

By Kaylz - 07/03/2016 04:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 250

You deserved it 1 471

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:20 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 107

You deserved it 4 092

By mintypoison - 14/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 903

You deserved it 3 487

By leastitwasntsurpriseanal - 22/08/2014 20:26 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 406

You deserved it 3 507

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 530

You deserved it 2 889

By wasteroftime - 14/08/2014 21:31 - United States - Granbury

Spicy

Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 798

You deserved it 3 298

wasteroftime tells us more.

wasteroftime 8

Saturday 16 August 2014 2:39

OP here! Thank you all for the praise, I honestly did not think twice when I jumped up and performed the Heimlich maneuver on her. One thing I want to make clear here was not that my situation was worse than my friends, but the fact that the wait staff had no remorse about what had just happened although they stood there and watched me save her life. Learning the Heimlich can really be life saving before you know it :)

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 518

You deserved it 15 120

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Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 076

You deserved it 2 721

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 359

You deserved it 3 932

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 493

You deserved it 106 864

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 445

You deserved it 5 234

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 679

You deserved it 9 618

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 136