Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML
Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
Today, I got written up for coming in to work stoned. I wasn't stoned, I'm just goofy. FML
Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML
Today, I mistakenly shared my picture in my office group chat, then went to dinner. No one asked me to delete it for 30 minutes, then when I got a message that I'd shared it in the wrong window, I deleted it immediately. I don't know how many people saw the picture, and my manager also is in the group in addition to my colleagues. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
well that was stupid, things don't disappear after a wave of your magic finger
Lmao omg thats funny as crap