Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML
Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML
well that was stupid, things don't disappear after a wave of your magic finger
Lmao omg thats funny as crap