When you brag a bit too much By Lewis - 11/12/2018 00:30 do not count your chickens before they hatch I agree, your life sucks 231 You deserved it 155 Share Tweet Share
Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML I agree, your life sucks 18 753 You deserved it 1 172
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML I agree, your life sucks 54 272 You deserved it 23 296
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 63 265 You deserved it 5 280
Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML I agree, your life sucks 24 416 You deserved it 2 326
Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 30 548 You deserved it 7 509
Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML I agree, your life sucks 32 951 You deserved it 3 802
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML I agree, your life sucks 14 950 You deserved it 23 830
Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML I agree, your life sucks 20 318 You deserved it 93 062
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