Miscellaneous: Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 013

You deserved it 2 796

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 921

You deserved it 2 659

PUA in training

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 434

By moreliketurdmart - 03/06/2013 16:48 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 160

You deserved it 5 341

Pissed to meet you

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 554

You deserved it 3 174

By walmart: first time, last time - 12/05/2013 16:37 - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 200

You deserved it 14 792

Never gonna let me live it down

By Taylor - 08/06/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 86

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 265

You deserved it 7 153

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 159

You deserved it 7 963

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 435

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 936

You deserved it 3 795

Next

Top comments

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:14

"Sorry, in life, I had standards. In death, you still don't meet them."

nofreeusernames 10

Saturday 21 February 2015 8:08

Shitbird is my new favourite word. Thank you.

Comments

poppunkette 22

Saturday 21 February 2015 21:27

All I can say is wow?! Not sure if he is aware but she wouldn't look as pretty dead as she was when alive. Guy is a douch don't worry op

hiddenheartrch 10

Saturday 21 February 2015 21:48

Maybe he was trying to say your beauty is eternal? Lmao, what a douche. Hope you told him off.

amileah13 26

Saturday 21 February 2015 22:35

What an asshole

badgercheese94 16

Saturday 21 February 2015 23:00

I read that as Marilyn MANSON

Twisted_Angel 17

Saturday 21 February 2015 23:30

I just... can't. wtf

everton99 16

Sunday 22 February 2015 0:08

I read the pick up line in Andrew Dice Clay's voice for some reason.

Tannasgh 22

Sunday 22 February 2015 0:47

On behalf of the well mannered men of the world, please accept our apologies...

vlalam 24

Sunday 22 February 2015 4:08

someone please tell me that line never works

countryprincess3 6

Sunday 22 February 2015 10:29

What is wrong with people these days.

lalaney 14

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:55

There's gotta be some dumb girl out there that thinks he means she's a skinnier Marilyn Monroe, then ***** him.

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I agree, your life sucks 66 882

You deserved it 9 653

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You deserved it 2 496

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I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 838

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I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 131