Intimacy: Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and...

By valnaj1 - 25/12/2012 03:03 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 051

You deserved it 27 773

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 769

You deserved it 4 201

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 868

You deserved it 6 594

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 150

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 401

You deserved it 83 212

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 626

You deserved it 4 923

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 880

You deserved it 1 744

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 232

You deserved it 4 714

Gone girl

By OwndPattie - 20/11/2022 02:00

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 3 165

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 828

You deserved it 12 131

Teenagers these days

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 539

You deserved it 15 401

Krirn 21

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Isn't that punishment enough?

ilikebikes7 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Poor Thomas.

Comments

whoknew1 3

Thursday 10 January 2013 19:15

I could imagine all the things that went through your mind. My daughter is having sex? She's already faking orgasms? How does she know the difference between a small penis and a large one? How many guys has she been with? How long has this been going on? Where did I go wrong?

TheMystery13 13

Wednesday 16 January 2013 6:11

What would be funny is if somewhere on here there's a post from your daughter, "Thomas has a small dick. FML."

poohboo12 0

Wednesday 30 January 2013 23:14

Im not understanding why u would let your 14 year old have sex and have a ****** w0w!!!!!!!!! I would whoop her ass

ThisGuysSkills 5

Wednesday 27 February 2013 13:46

Every parent wants to hear that!!

kaylabears98 3

Sunday 31 March 2013 1:18

Oh...my...god.

Cowsxgoxmoo78 8

Thursday 6 June 2013 7:31

And the parent of the year award goes to?

iteenlovequotes 19

Wednesday 26 June 2013 7:20

if my future kid did this... my house would be like a prison with security cameras around the outside so I could see if they leave at anytime of the night.