Intimacy: Nooooooo! - FML

Nooooooo!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 11:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally two seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 301

You deserved it 15 013

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Same thing different taste

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Spicy

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 509

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Spicy

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 265

You deserved it 12 879

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 302

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

By Anonymous - 25/12/2022 15:00

Spicy

Today, it started off as a good day, until my guy friend called me in the middle of me turning my vibrator on. He was crying so I couldn’t finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 844

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 272

So frustrated!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Spicy

Today, after I decided to explore my bisexual side since none of the four men I’ve been in relationships with ever got me to orgasm, I’ve now slept with three women this year. None of them got me to orgasm either. I guess I should just buy a vibrator or something. I’ll probably marry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 171

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 4 434

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 206

You deserved it 4 539

Medieval ******

By Brittney - 16/01/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, I started an electrical fire trying to charge my vibrators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 382

Next

Top comments

FBIWarning 0

Monday 15 June 2009 20:03

jeeze how long were you at it for the battery to die?

Nev09 0

Monday 15 June 2009 20:02

next time: 1) set up webcam 2) post up movie 3) ???? 4) profit!

Comments

cynically 19

Wednesday 7 August 2013 5:18

just put new batteries in and start over, wtf lol. It's not like you'll never be able to achieve ****** again now that you know.

toshimahalaketa 6

Tuesday 12 August 2014 5:20

damn that sucks

iislix1ii 19

Wednesday 4 February 2015 16:27

Always replace the batteries xD

johnjkl 22

Tuesday 24 November 2015 13:23

Just like a real man

cloudyface 23

Thursday 4 February 2016 15:49

The battery don't just suddenly die the machine just starts to slow down really fast there's a difference.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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The Top

Today, at 30 years-old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 1 620

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 479

You deserved it 4 109

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 616

You deserved it 2 918

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 478

You deserved it 18 101

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 2 090

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 906

You deserved it 31 088