Intimacy Let me Slytherin

Let me Slytherin

Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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Turn off

no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

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SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

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fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

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Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

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Repetition

Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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Found it

Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

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dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

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thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

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lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

persimmon 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:56

um WTF is parcel tongue lol

nocanhaz 4

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:39

read like 1/6 if the comments for this FML and you will know

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 14 December 2010 18:29

Obviously, its the special language only known to UPS and FedEx delivery people.

shanks19 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 11:43

^ win

babybrunette128 8

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:17

lmfao wow this def isn't an fml your boyfriend is hilarious!

Psychotic_Snail 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:40

Thats amazingly awesome, did you pet his snake?

F_U_imcrippled 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:40

Today, I had to speak parseltongue just to be able to safely enter my girlfriends vile crevasse. FML

gelica87 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:41

wow, I feel sorry for ur ******!

Jordin_525 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:51

win.

MDNL 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:52

yes of course :)

kbn 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:03

haha thts funny!!!!! I guess a lol messed up too

trippincccs 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:10

Nerd Alert!!!

Asilum 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:00

hasalak farlas kasemease!!!!! .... OMFG OPS CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS ITS OWN BASALISK!!!! damn its bigger then mine *poke poke*

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

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Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

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Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

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Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

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Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

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