Intimacy: Bad timing

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 971

You deserved it 12 581

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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 381

You deserved it 7 208

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 495

You deserved it 4 154

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 713

You deserved it 12 221

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 021

You deserved it 14 604

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 9 726

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 18 815

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 556

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 521

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 4 689

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

jontemes 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 8:09

wow I'm sorry

MJ_Goobs_Xx 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 8:09

maybe he should've been giving you head…and shoulders ;)

silversword 3

Sunday 17 April 2011 8:43

purity

Rs510 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 9:55

fhl.

monagro 22

Sunday 17 April 2011 11:15

It's something you get good at over time and with communicating what he likes :)

Monii_Harlz 11

Sunday 17 April 2011 13:20

head n shoulders shampoo might help ya sweetie :)

insanesna1l 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 13:44

he should have said something to try a different move instead of complaining about your hair

rawrchikarawr 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 15:16

Ouch :/ fail :3

kingJOBS 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 16:50

Terrible head

lovebeingcrazy15 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 17:02

time to get some head&shoulders shampoo(;

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The Top

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 622

You deserved it 31 376

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 14 994

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 329

Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 570

You deserved it 3 027

Today, my brother warned me he could drive me crazy without even being in the room. I didn’t believe him, so he pointed out just how loudly my girlfriend slurps anything she drinks. I honestly hadn’t noticed before, but now the slurping is all I notice, and it's driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 262

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 5 250