Health and Poopoo peepee: All bunged up

All bunged up

By Buzz - 01/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 754

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Same thing different taste

Straight into my veins

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, after being sick and not having coffee for a month, my body has invented a new way of processing caffeine: The tiredness and lethargy remains untouched, while the caffeine-jolt is converted directly into a fuzzy headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 135

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 359

You deserved it 462

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 257

Strung out

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 22:30 - Australia

Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 665

Two speeds

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 68

Stimulating

By animositykilledthecatfs - 29/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I drank two and a half Panera charged lemonades to feel more motivated and ended up feeling itchy and overstimulated due to the lethal caffeine-sugar combo and got nothing done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 675

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 8 805

Give it to me

By Anonymous - 20/11/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents took my to hospital with headache, cramps, sweats and tremors. The doctor thought I was an drug addict in withdrawal, which, after some questions, turns out I am. I gave up fizzy soda last week and am in total withdrawal from caffeine and all the other addictive chemicals in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 212

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 149

You deserved it 7 973

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Chester

Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 105

Seeya55 31

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:56

Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!

raven_of_azarath 34

Sunday 1 October 2017 18:35

One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.

Comments

onceuponatime456 16

Monday 2 October 2017 16:55

Caffeine leaves your system after 24 hours. You must have been that way before you ever started drinking coffee!

shortyybrooke 21

Monday 2 October 2017 18:09

This is my spirit animal.

acmariner99 25

Monday 2 October 2017 21:37

Don’t be a quitter, Coffee will forgive you!

xnider 5

Friday 1 February 2019 5:59

I think you need to get ...k to release some stress

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Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 408

You deserved it 3 257

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 3 481

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 2 136

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 727

You deserved it 6 559

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 380

You deserved it 293

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 155

Same thing different taste

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