Nearly FMLs

By ERock85 - 24/03/2019 16:00

Today I was going to bed with my wife and she was giving all the signs that she wanted to get it on. I rolled to her side of the bed and made my move. She rolled the other way, grabbed her phone, and played on Instagram. P.S. it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 23/03/2019 11:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts. It was my first time.FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 830

By WhyJesus - 23/03/2019 14:00

Today, concerned, I called my husband who is on a business trip and usually calls me around the same time but did not Today. He answered angrily and began cursing at me saying I was “accusing him” of something. I didn’t accuse him of anything, but now I’m suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 102

By Saph - 22/03/2019 17:25

Today my new boyfriend told me I have a deeper voice than most girls. Thanks for the new insecurity FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 4

By zaktor - 22/03/2019 08:18

Today, I was asked to pay a fee of “250”. Thinking that was very expensive, I found a way around it where I only paid 60 Euro. Turns out the original fee was in Czech Koruna, which comes out to about 10 Euro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 42

By haunted - 21/03/2019 21:00 - Canada - Chicoutimi

Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 175

By poop - 21/03/2019 19:31

Today, while sitting at a stoplight on my motorcycle I was chatting up the girl in the car next to me. As she was about to get my number a bird pooped on my shoulder and the light turned green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

By LAbound - 21/03/2019 18:00

Today, I told my parents that I don’t plan on going to college. Later on I found out that they plan on giving my college funds they saved up to my older brother’s girlfriend. My parents response was “Well she an aerospace engineer, and can’t afford school. She needs the money more than you”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 2 034

By ChuztoLooz - 21/03/2019 00:00

Today I had a member of my gym call to say she was overcharged, because we billed her incorrectly, and wanted a refund. After offering other, much simpler ways of compensating her, to no avail, I spent 30 minutes on the phone with our financial team to complete a refund for all of $2.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 172

By bitchy sis - 20/03/2019 00:19 - United States - Hesperia

Today as a nursing student I was beside myself when I thought I lost the stethoscope I’d special ordered with my initials engraved. Turns out my slutty sister “borrowed” it to make her kinky role play with her FWB more authentic. I don’t even wanna know all they did with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 2

By Mf1686 - 19/03/2019 18:19

Today I found out I was wrongly named for the year winner's prize which is a free trip to Puerto Rico. I posted pictures of myself jumping wearing tropical accesories all over social media and work district chats. The manager who made the error did not apologized. I'm new to this district. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 5

By Meghan Elise - 19/03/2019 15:10

Today, something in my butt burst. My mom gave me a cream for it but I must be allergic to it because now I have a rash there. It’s itchy, painful, and bleeds when I wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 2

By polyscammerous - 19/03/2019 12:00

Today, my polyamorous boyfriend's wife told me that she found out our shared partner was sleeping with her cousin, behind her and my back, for about a month, after she told him, originally, that she wasn't okay with it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 900

By poison ivy - 19/03/2019 01:47

Today, I spent over an hour trying to convince my mother that respect isn’t a “one-way street.” I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 18/03/2019 20:39 - United States - Cranford

Today, after years of going to various concerts, wearing t-shirts of my favorite bands, and even playing music during car rides that I was yelled at to turn off, my dad asked me 'What kind of music do you like? You're so secretive of it!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 00:00

Today I was finally able to get to sleep after a long weekend of being violently ill. I’m talking couldn’t even hold down water. Any way I finally get into a good sleep for the first time in 24 hours. I’m even dreaming! Then a telemarketer calls me and I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 18/03/2019 13:37

Today I am scheduled to testify in front of a grand jury. I also have been dealing with hemorrhoids. Turns out the hemorrhoid ointment seeped through my light colored pants and now I have to speak in front of all those people with a wet spot on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 9

By SBS - 18/03/2019 14:08 - Australia - Pennant Hills

Today, I found long hairs growing from the top of my foot. I've completed my transformation into a hobbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

By TooLateDontH8 - 17/03/2019 23:33

Today, I told my dad that I have a new girlfriend and things are finally getting serious, and we're considering moving in together. My dad thought now would be a good time to tell me he doesn't agree with my sexuality. I came out over 6 years ago, apparently he thought it was just a phase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 17/03/2019 16:53

Today I got accepted to a world class university as a mature student after lots of hard work. I didn't get to celebrate. My father has been ignoring me since I told him cause it would mean I'm closer, and most of my mums family decided to ignore it and start an argument about my grandmother instead.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/03/2019 16:22

Today I got my period. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't already have a cold that has lasted 9 days and a viral throat infection that makes it excruciating to swallow anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 2

By FullOfShit - 17/03/2019 12:00

Today, I have been off my medication to control diarrhea because I have surgery tomorrow and I’m not allowed to take it. I have constant diarrhea now & can’t take any medicine. Surgery will be messy...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 17/03/2019 00:55

Today, I got medicine to cure a cough that I’ve had for over a month. Not only did it not help, it gave me a sore throat, a headache, and a stuffed nose. I’m an actor in a play, and I have to go on stage like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

By Scoot - 16/03/2019 23:12

Today I just realized that my dog has been laid more times than I’ll ever get laid. I’m 22 and still a virgin FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 6

By "Octashan23" - 16/03/2019 20:39

Today, I get passed up again for the full time position. Why? Because I took a couple days off to see my son born...FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 16/03/2019 09:26

Today, me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up. My best friend decided now would be the best time to confess his love to her. They exchanged numbers and are going on a date this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 5

By StillWaitingForACookie - 16/03/2019 02:29

Today, my mom managed to burn both of my work uniforms. While they were drying. I have work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 9

By aintthatgreat - 15/03/2019 04:00 - Russian Federation - Ural

Today, after months of finishing off my husband with a BJ every time we have sex, he informed me that he has a lot of resentment building up towards me because of the bare minimum he has been getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 14/03/2019 18:00

Today, my sister refuses to use my bathroom because it is dirty. Whenever it is clean, which takes me a while to clean it, she wants to use it and always messes it up, which I have to clean it again. She doesn't see the problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 123

By StillWaitingForACookie - 14/03/2019 02:23

Today, my professor marked one of my assignments as incomplete. The assignment in question was to simply evaluate myself after my midterm. I managed to fail a simple task without even trying it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 9

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I’m the only one in my family who's ever taken Covid seriously. This seemed to really annoy my siblings, so much so that they chased me, pulled off my mask, and dramatically coughed all over me. We’re all adults and though they found it hilarious, I’ve been having panic attacks all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 451

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 908

You deserved it 630

Today, my five-year-old daughter is absolutely miserable and constantly putting herself down, as she has been for a week. What happened a week ago? She bumped into a stranger at Walmart, apologized, and the guy told her, “Nope, not good enough. You need to die.” Who says that to a child? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 129

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 187

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 661

You deserved it 4 108

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 070

You deserved it 51 014