Your everyday life stories

notsorry - 03/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Summit

Today, I got suspended for calling my art teacher out on being a freaking psychopath. He took the painting I had worked on for a whole week and ripped it up because he "didn't like the tone of blue" I used. Let's just say words were exchanged. Names were called. Things were thrown. FML

allergic - 03/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out I'm allergic to 16 different things. FML

LiliK - 03/04/2016 02:27 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I had an anxiety attack. Why? I was worrying about having an anxiety attack. FML

carmbees - 03/04/2016 02:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, after seven years of trying, I finally secured a spot in a prestigious dance competition. That is, if I could be there ready to compete within the next five minutes. I wasn't even in the same city. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Fremont

Today, my mom is mad at me. Apparently, applying to the same college as my sister did is going to "ruin her chances." Confidentially, my sister told me she only wants to attend so she can see her new boyfriend everyday. FML

Puffle - 03/04/2016 02:05 - South Africa

Today, I walked in on my sister popping her boyfriend's pimples and wiping the resulting puss and blood on my blanket. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, my sister drank too much and kissed my boyfriend. Soberly, he didn't resist. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:02 - United States - Lewis Center

Today at work we're taking autism donations. A guy told me he would donate to anything else but not that. Then he asked me who was on my shirt and apologized profusely when I told him it was a dead relative helped by that organization. Still crying but at least he feels like a dick. FML

ALittleFreak - 03/04/2016 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a big fight, and I cried myself to sleep. I woke up to him violently puking all over the bathtub because he had worked himself up so bad. I've been scrubbing his vomit out if the tub and off of the toilet for 20 minutes.FML

shittysister - 03/04/2016 01:45 - United States - Medford

Today, I was told by my mother that my drug-addict, abusive sister whom I've had two restraining orders against will be taking my bedroom because she has a baby and needs it more. I'm in my last semester of college and now suddenly homeless. Oh, and she wants me to keep paying rent. FML.

nellomellinello - 03/04/2016 01:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I was about the cum when I pushed so hard that I accidentally shit myself. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 01:34 - Korea, Republic of - Apo

Today, I was talking to my best friend, and told him about some guy in our school asking me out. My best friend then informed me that two days ago, the guy who asked me out had pestered my best friend about dating the ugliest girl in school. I'm the only girl my best friend has ever dated. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Raeford

Today, for the first time an attractive woman saw me with my pants off. Unfortunately she was the nurse during my colonoscopy. FML

SadCakes - 03/04/2016 01:16 - United States - South Pasadena

Today, after spending nearly three hours baking and frosting homemade cupcakes for a friend's party tonight, the host texted me saying that the party has been postponed indefinitely. I don't even want to eat the cupcakes anymore. FML

I'm 20yrs old - 03/04/2016 01:04 - United States - Grasonville

Today, my father called me stupid and made me feel like a horrible, despicable human being and my mother had the audacity to tell ME to apologize to HIM. All of this because I got a very small, easy to hide tattoo and he hates tattoos. FML.

jephte00 - 03/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, I was at work at a super market and this guy who was next in line to purchase giggling like a kid. He had 2 items, some drink called assault and some batteries when he was done paying he screams out "You just charged me with assault and battery!" and runs out. Everyone was staring at me. FML

anonymous - 03/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, while shopping at the mall, I went into the changing room to try on new clothes. Halfway through changing, I was greeted with two children who decided to take a look underneath the changing room door. They stayed there for a few minutes. No one was nearby to make them stop. FML.

crap car - 03/04/2016 00:36 - United States - Denver

Today, my friends made a plan to hang out without me via group chat that they forgot I was in. Not only do I have bad friends but all my minutes were used.FML

looser - 03/04/2016 00:34 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I finally agreed to take a bath with my gf. It all went wrong not when I farted but when she saw a floating piece of poop between us. FML

Jizzboogers - 03/04/2016 00:19 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his recently detailed car when he warned me he was about to come. In an effort to keep the mess minimal, I dove down to swallow. Too bad it ended up in my nostril instead. FML.

fhlakd - 03/04/2016 00:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was painting my room, as I am redecorating, and heard a pounding on my door. I answered and it was my neighbor who said that my garage was on fire. April fool's? Nope. He was dead serious. FML

shadowloes - 03/04/2016 00:13 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my birthday. I had invited 20+ people. Only 4 showed, of which 2 live in the same house as me. FML

sylveon - 03/04/2016 00:02 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was supposed to go see my fiancé's family who's down for the weekend from North Carolina. Instead I'm stuck home watching my 15 year old sister because my parents don't trust her. They're in Atlanta with my other sister. I'm the only one inconvenienced by this. FML

Nina - 02/04/2016 23:59 - United States - Cranford

Today, I made myself dinner and put my brand new phone next to it then went to the bathroom. When I got out, I realized my dog jumped onto the table and pissed on my dinner and my brand new phone I just got an hour earlier. FML

Anonymous - 02/04/2016 23:23 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, I went to go pick up my boyfriend from work. We've been having issues so his way of impressing me was to drift in the little company truck, as he smashes into the front of the Boss's truck. FML.

Anonymous - 02/04/2016 23:23 - Canada - Frankford

Today, apparently my boyfriend has another girlfriend besides me. I found this out looking at one of my good friends snapchat of them making out. FML

LOLOLOLOL - 02/04/2016 23:22 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, at a social event, everyone started to make paper aeroplanes to throw around the room. I accidentally hit an old man on the head. He came over to me and started shouting like a crazy man. I told him to calm down as there was kids. He ended up smashing a glass on my head. FML.

FearPenguins - 02/04/2016 23:20 - United States - Towson

Today, a girl with special needs that goes to my school friended me on Facebook, trying to be nice I accepted. Minutes later, she asked for my number, email, and commented on my profile picture saying how she loves me and wants to date me. I've never even met her let alone want to date her. FML

Netflix and My Sister - 02/04/2016 23:19 - United States - Frisco

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for "Netflix and Chill". I got there early, so I let myself in like I always do. Apparently, to him, Netflix and Chill means having sex with my sister before I come over. FML

virginlimits - 02/04/2016 23:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was having sex with my "virgin" girlfriend for the first time. While we were going at it, she started yelling "HARDER DAVID". My name is Jeff, David is my best friend FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got home and my elderly mum was on the house phone on hold. She had rung the number next to a crossword to complain that the crossword was unsolvable because they'd made a spelling mistake. I looked at the display; she’d been on hold for 6 hours at £1 a minute. FML

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Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

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Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

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Today, I realized how bad my social skills are when I finally landed a date with my crush. We sat down to lunch, and I asked her what her favorite Marvel movies were. She gave a flat, "I don't like those movies." and we deadass sat there in silence for ten minutes. FML

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Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

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Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

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